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dolariI have been in a foul mood ALL week.
And now I know why.
I just "finished" a game of Street Fighter Alpha 3. Actually, I wasn't finished. I got frustrated at it...but kept playing. And kept losing. And kept playing. And kept losing. And, the next thing I know, I've managed to completely tear apart, with my bare hands, a Sega Dreamcast Controller.
I haven't lost control like that in a long time.
Not since I started my medication.
The medication I couldn't afford anymore.
The medication which has finally exited my system after three months.
This explains my irritable mood. My complete and total anger at EVERYTHING. The constant feeling of annoyance. The paranoia. The anger. The frustration. The bedtime mantra of "Kill yourself. You're WRONG."
I need to get a job. I need to get back on my medication. I need to move out. I need to just fucking leave. I don't like the person I am off the hormones. I don't like being angry at everyone, or being having the feeling of popping people in the face. I don't like the feeling of wanting to hump everything that moves.
I just wanna be normal again.
Females out there...be glad you don't have to deal with testosterone. Guys...you don't know what you're missing with estrogen.
I'm going to go to bed now, listen to the suicide litany, and sleep.
DISCLAIMER: No, I won't try suicide. I don't want to anymore, despite everything my mind tells me.
And now I know why.
I just "finished" a game of Street Fighter Alpha 3. Actually, I wasn't finished. I got frustrated at it...but kept playing. And kept losing. And kept playing. And kept losing. And, the next thing I know, I've managed to completely tear apart, with my bare hands, a Sega Dreamcast Controller.
I haven't lost control like that in a long time.
Not since I started my medication.
The medication I couldn't afford anymore.
The medication which has finally exited my system after three months.
This explains my irritable mood. My complete and total anger at EVERYTHING. The constant feeling of annoyance. The paranoia. The anger. The frustration. The bedtime mantra of "Kill yourself. You're WRONG."
I need to get a job. I need to get back on my medication. I need to move out. I need to just fucking leave. I don't like the person I am off the hormones. I don't like being angry at everyone, or being having the feeling of popping people in the face. I don't like the feeling of wanting to hump everything that moves.
I just wanna be normal again.
Females out there...be glad you don't have to deal with testosterone. Guys...you don't know what you're missing with estrogen.
I'm going to go to bed now, listen to the suicide litany, and sleep.
DISCLAIMER: No, I won't try suicide. I don't want to anymore, despite everything my mind tells me.
