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Jan. 20th, 2014
(no subject)
Jan. 20th, 2014 09:15 pmI've noticed that every night, as I get ready for bed, I begin dreading work. There's no reason for me to be dreading work. Not a one. But there's also another thing I'm dreading...getting back into organized activism. And I realize now why I dread both. And it's still nothing worth dreading....
When it came to activism, I did the Transgender Day of Remembrance Webcomics Project. I did it because after hearing about the Gwen Araujo trial direct from Gwendolyn in the gallery, I realized how horrible this was, and the effect it was having on the Araujo family, and even Gwen who sat through the whole trial.
So I did what I could. Drew comics, organized the gallery, ran it for a few years. Eventually, I found that the Webcomics Project had become the de facto DOR site after I gathered some names when I couldn't find that year's names. Until Ethan started up with his, I was kind of it. When Ethan started his site and began gathering names, I deferred to him. I couldn't do it anymore. And in time, I gave up on the Webcomics Project as well during The Great Unpleasantness.
In getting back into activism...I am starting from scratch. I "stumbled" into the DOR. Now I'm starting over from scratch. Offering some of my graphics and comic talents as they need.
It's the same at work. I was the senior WiFi tech at Nintendo, and considering I was also taking escalated calls from Brianne, I actually felt I was being groomed for the advisor position.
Now I'm starting from a Day 1 entry position at a new place. Starting from scratch as it were. I've gone from helping make policies and guiding projects, chair warming phone monkey.
The dread isn't coming from work or from activism...it's coming from having to restart and rebuild it all from scratch.
There's a scene in Star Trek Generations. Kirk is sitting in on the ceremonial launch of the Enterprise-B and a crisis occurs. Kirk keeps getting out of his chair wanting to act, stopping himself when he realizes he's not the captain of this ship, Harriman is. The anxious anxiety of it all is me going through this training, and seeing all these things I'd do differently...if I'd had command of the ship.
I knew coming back to Texas would require me to rebuild my life here. I just didn't expect it to be so...ful of dreading.
When it came to activism, I did the Transgender Day of Remembrance Webcomics Project. I did it because after hearing about the Gwen Araujo trial direct from Gwendolyn in the gallery, I realized how horrible this was, and the effect it was having on the Araujo family, and even Gwen who sat through the whole trial.
So I did what I could. Drew comics, organized the gallery, ran it for a few years. Eventually, I found that the Webcomics Project had become the de facto DOR site after I gathered some names when I couldn't find that year's names. Until Ethan started up with his, I was kind of it. When Ethan started his site and began gathering names, I deferred to him. I couldn't do it anymore. And in time, I gave up on the Webcomics Project as well during The Great Unpleasantness.
In getting back into activism...I am starting from scratch. I "stumbled" into the DOR. Now I'm starting over from scratch. Offering some of my graphics and comic talents as they need.
It's the same at work. I was the senior WiFi tech at Nintendo, and considering I was also taking escalated calls from Brianne, I actually felt I was being groomed for the advisor position.
Now I'm starting from a Day 1 entry position at a new place. Starting from scratch as it were. I've gone from helping make policies and guiding projects, chair warming phone monkey.
The dread isn't coming from work or from activism...it's coming from having to restart and rebuild it all from scratch.
There's a scene in Star Trek Generations. Kirk is sitting in on the ceremonial launch of the Enterprise-B and a crisis occurs. Kirk keeps getting out of his chair wanting to act, stopping himself when he realizes he's not the captain of this ship, Harriman is. The anxious anxiety of it all is me going through this training, and seeing all these things I'd do differently...if I'd had command of the ship.
I knew coming back to Texas would require me to rebuild my life here. I just didn't expect it to be so...ful of dreading.
(no subject)
Jan. 20th, 2014 11:36 pmSome goodnight music. Sleep tight, y'all. http://youtu.be/K_INGPLfcEY #itslovely #really