dolari | Musing on the wearing of Stompyboots (Reply)

If you head over to the Metaverse Messenger Second Life Newspaper http://www.metaversemessenger.com/pdf/2008/07/MM20080708.pdf and check out the right hand article on Page 28 titled "Eyes of a Child" you'll read about the Author's aunt who'd had a hard time with people playing kids eventually becoming one herself. She didn't mention names at all, but that was me.

About two weeks ago, I went to the Kids5B Second Life Birthday Sim. It was a sim made at the time that Linden Labs said that there would be no kid avatar builds allowed in the main one (well, they were allowed, just going to be "Respectfully Declined" 100% of the time). Eventually they recanted it (except with the rule that you couldn't show adults and kids in the same shot, because images of family lives are Pure Concentrated Evil), but thankfully the kids took the initiative and built what essentially became Virtual Disneyland.

At the Kids5B they had a Transmogrifyer. A cute little Calvin & Hobbes cardboard box that you jump into and it "changes" you to a kid (in reality, it just gave you a preset set of skins, shapes and clothes, which you put on and it made you into a preset boy or girl figure. In my case - it made me look like the Dean's ex-girlfriend after me. Something I wasn't none too happy with. I was about to take off the shape and go back to being the natually redheaded Carrie (in SL, EVERYONE is a natural redhead) when I saw Emily in her new kid shape, which looked just like a little kid version of her. So I decided to just put on my regular clothes, but keep the little kid skin. The result was...CUTE. Very very very cute.

And that was gonna be it. Really. We joked around, did some poses, took some pics, and that was SUPPOSED to be it. At least from my end - that was supposed to be it.

Cause, you see, I had problems with age-play. I really did. At the risk of repeating myself for the billionth time, many years ago, I had a really bad experience with someone who was in a chatroom age-playing in what wasn't really any kind of age-play area. Just a regular chat room with someone being a little kid. We didn't really mind, cause it wasn't disruptive. At first.

It was a chatroom where no one knew me from Adam (not Eve, as you'll see) and once it got out that Jenn was a woman (pretty quickly) the ageplayer decided I was going to be mommy wether I wanted to be or not. After fending off the constant calls of mommy (even after saying to stop it), the babytalk, asking to be bottlefed and watching everyone else just find that behaviour cute, I left. And the impression I got was "ageplay is people being babies and being jerks." Left me with some really really bad impressions.

Fast forward to early 2006. A friend of mine has taken the plunge into Second Life. I was already wary about it, not because of any ageplay issues (those hadn't popped up yet) but for other issues (I had an bit of an addiction problem with immersion games as well as issues with roleplaying and identity issues). When my friend told me that she was playing a (then) four-year-old in SL...well...that's when I put my head in my hands and told myself "Oh, no, not again." Between me not being on Second Life, and her being a four year old, the communication, not to mention walking on eggshells around each other, we communicated less and less. She was no less of a friend to me, but the communication definately slid off.

Christmas of 2006, I sent her a Christmas gift I'd picked up for her, and she grabbed a hold of me. In only took a little chat before she realized that, while I had problems with Ageplay, I had no problem with her. And she learned of my problems with immersiony games, and role playing and why I wanted to take a backseat in SL. A few hours later, I wasn't just in Second Life, I had a (then) five year old kid holding my hand the whole way.

I kept my distance though. At first it was because I didn't want to deal with the age-play aspect of her life in SL. I was afraid of being called Mommy again, and whatnot. But what softened me up was how darned helpful this Marianne person was, while still being five. She wasn't annoying, asking to be bottlefed, calling me Mommy. Instead, she was sending me links to really cool places, and showing me around areas she had access to that only a few others had all while never breaking character. Eventually I stopped staying away from her for being a kid, and hanging out more and more with her and her in-world family. I didn't want to intrude on that family vibe so I still wasn't seeing her all the time. But as she said, it was that respect for those boundaries that ended up finding me inside those boundaries as an aunt, not just to her, but to her in world brother and sister. Eventually between being friendly to her, her brother and sister, I became friendly and even sympathetic to all the kids in Second Life. This led to a recurring joke of me saying "WHAT THE HECK AM I SAYING?!" to her privately anytime I said anything pro-age-play. And when I started offering support to kids events, the running gag became how far down the Rabbit Hole I'd gone.

I'd through about becoming a kid quite a bit, especially around Christmas 2007. I did a big 2007 "My First Year in Second Life" pictorial and the December picture was me sitting a tree titled "Thinking Big Thoughts." I was really contemplating then and there to take on a kid shape. But I still had a lot of doubts about it, my experiences were still kinda tainted by the ageplayer from a while ago. A lot of the kids in SL were there to repair shattered or damaged childhoods...my childhood could be a bit harsh at times, but wasn't really bad at all. Others did it to relive their wondder and playfullness of a kid. I do that already. I'm 33 - I stomp in waterpuddles, climb trees, swing on swingsets and play on playgrounds (and I'm talking in meatspace, not SL here). I didn't need a kid body to do that.

And when I did it, six months later, it was on a lark. One night only. After taking the one pic I took and kept from that transmogrifier, I totally expected a "Ha! I told you so!" from Mari. In fact, I encouraged it. But she didn't. She welcomed me to the world of kid avatars, she;s been totally understanding about all my questions, answered them, given me resources and items I would need being 3 foot 10 instead of 5 foot 6. Her sister decided our kid forms were now cousins in their family, and a fellow aunt told us she was now OUR aunt as well. At the same time it's helped that I'm not doing this alone, as Emily's got a kid form as well, and another old friend, Eleanor, popped up as a Victorian Era kid shortly before I did. And a whole lotta kid-friends I'd been friendly to as an adult are seeking me out a a kid.

There's something...intangible about being a kid. I can't explain it. above, I mentioned I never lost my child's sense of wonder and play. I didn't need a kid body for that. And yet, having it...it DOES something to you. In 10 seconds, the world warped, and suddenly everything I did had an extra "layer" to it. It's a lot like a bowl of Corn Flakes cereal. You pour yourself a bowl of corn flakes, and it's a good nutritous cereal. Add a little sprinkle of sugar and it's Mmm Mmm good. But coat those flakes in a in sugar glaze and you get a bowl of Frosted Flaked. Same cereal but tastes a WHOLE lot better.

There's been a few bumps along the way. While I haven't been picked on by griefers or jerks, the kid form does make some people uncomfortable around me. But since I don't plan on playing a kid ALL the time, I'm okay with not being a kid around friends it makes wierd. If there's ANYTHING I don't want to be, it's that same person imposing something they don't want on them (within appropriate reason). Heck, there are times even now, I scratch my head and wonder how I got here from where I was all those years ago.

But you know what?

From the last paragraph of the article: "I’m glad, though, that my inworld aunt has taken a turn, and while I know it will be simply one of a few different selves she’ll show in Second Life, I know she’ll know more of my own experiences — and will likely learn a great many things about herself in the process."

It's only been two weeks, and she was absolutely right.

(Now the question becomes - Winter Camp? Or no Winter Camp ;) )