Growing Up Trans: Preschool
Oct. 15th, 2011 12:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariI was born on July 26th, 1974. A beautiful bouncy and very hairy little boy. Hairy enought that mom was worried I had the disorder that you see in one of those "See the Wolf Boy!" circus acts. It took a few days, but eventually it all fell out, and then I was just beautiful and bouncy. Well, beautiful in that way that all babies look (I think they all look like Eisenhower or Churchill myself).
My mother had a name for me - Patrick. My father had a different name for me. Supposedly there was a lot of tugging of war over my name, and eventually I didn't become a Patrick, and was given my Dad's suggested name. There was no female name ever discussed - she wanted a boy, and by gum, she was going to get one.
My sister was born when I was three. Our upbringing was pretty standard. Dad brought in the money, Mom raised us at home for a few years. We did have the occasional babysitter, whose name, I think, was Susan. I don't honestly remember her, but mom said that we were inseperable.
In 1979, my father was laid off of work, and did small jobs his Teamster friends could get for him (Through those jobs, he got to meet Willie Nelson, Slim Pickens, and even Jackie Chan before he was famous). We ended up losing our house, and moving in with my grandmother for a short while. And it's here that I remember my first transgender experience.
My grandmother woke up at very very very early hours. Six AM was when she'd get up, and start making homemade pancakes for us. Then noise would wake me up, so I'd watch Saturday morning cartoons (a tradition I kept until well after High School) to pass the time between waking up and breakfast. It was then I watched my first animes.
KMOL showed Battle of the Planets (also known as Gatchaman in Japan) and Star Blazers (also known as Space Cruiser Yamato in Japan). For the next few weeks I followed the advenutres of the G-Force Team and the Argo pretty intensely. But it was Star Blazers that caught my attention as a soap opera for kids. Stories were arced, things changed and remained changed. And then there was Nova.
I didn't click with Derek Wildstar, or the Captain, or Derek's brother whose name I can't remember right now. It was Nova. She was pretty, but had authority. She was feminine, but carried a big gun.
One night, as I was sleeping in my grandmother's living room, I had a dream that I was on the Argo, but as Nova. I remember specifially being on the ship, in her clothing and outfit and voice, and distinctly remember Derek wanting to kiss me. I woke up that morning, and it all seemed perfectly natural to me. Afterwards, anytime I saw her on the show, that was me. And afterwards, pancakes would be ready.
During my formative years, I had on again, off againg relationships with girls. Two of my closest cousins at the time were girls, and I spent a lot of time with them, especially since we lived a short walk away. But they were older than me, and "more mature" (as mature as you can get for 5th grade), and got along with me just fine.
Girls my age, though, were hit and miss. I remember being tickled to torture repeatedly by a girl in my pre-kinder class. She'd make me laugh, then get me in trouble with Mrs. Brodie, and do it again. In first grade, there was Margerite and Margo, both of whom made sure they knew they hated me. Repeatedly and often.
But there were friends I did have, like a Chinese friend (whose name, I also can't remember), who enjoyed hanging out with me, and even invited me over to play dolls with her. There was Brandi, who was into gaming, and so was I, and Ashley, who had the coolest Hermoine-style salt-and-pepper streaked hair ever.
I had boy friends as well, but in general enjoyed my time with girls so much more. One of my male friends was a boy named Richard. Richard had long hair. Just like a girl's. And so began my decades long fight for long hair.
My mother was a hairdresser, so she cut my hair up till I was 22 and moved out of town. I'd see her cutting all her friend's hair, or trimming really long hair, and I'd wanted to look like that, too. Mom was having none of it, though, and kept my hair close cropped and VERY short. When I brought up Richard's hair, her response was that she thought that was bvery innapropriate, and if he was her son, it'd get chopped right off.
But wanting my hair long and styled was a wish that never went away.
My mother had a name for me - Patrick. My father had a different name for me. Supposedly there was a lot of tugging of war over my name, and eventually I didn't become a Patrick, and was given my Dad's suggested name. There was no female name ever discussed - she wanted a boy, and by gum, she was going to get one.
My sister was born when I was three. Our upbringing was pretty standard. Dad brought in the money, Mom raised us at home for a few years. We did have the occasional babysitter, whose name, I think, was Susan. I don't honestly remember her, but mom said that we were inseperable.
In 1979, my father was laid off of work, and did small jobs his Teamster friends could get for him (Through those jobs, he got to meet Willie Nelson, Slim Pickens, and even Jackie Chan before he was famous). We ended up losing our house, and moving in with my grandmother for a short while. And it's here that I remember my first transgender experience.
My grandmother woke up at very very very early hours. Six AM was when she'd get up, and start making homemade pancakes for us. Then noise would wake me up, so I'd watch Saturday morning cartoons (a tradition I kept until well after High School) to pass the time between waking up and breakfast. It was then I watched my first animes.
KMOL showed Battle of the Planets (also known as Gatchaman in Japan) and Star Blazers (also known as Space Cruiser Yamato in Japan). For the next few weeks I followed the advenutres of the G-Force Team and the Argo pretty intensely. But it was Star Blazers that caught my attention as a soap opera for kids. Stories were arced, things changed and remained changed. And then there was Nova.
I didn't click with Derek Wildstar, or the Captain, or Derek's brother whose name I can't remember right now. It was Nova. She was pretty, but had authority. She was feminine, but carried a big gun.
One night, as I was sleeping in my grandmother's living room, I had a dream that I was on the Argo, but as Nova. I remember specifially being on the ship, in her clothing and outfit and voice, and distinctly remember Derek wanting to kiss me. I woke up that morning, and it all seemed perfectly natural to me. Afterwards, anytime I saw her on the show, that was me. And afterwards, pancakes would be ready.
During my formative years, I had on again, off againg relationships with girls. Two of my closest cousins at the time were girls, and I spent a lot of time with them, especially since we lived a short walk away. But they were older than me, and "more mature" (as mature as you can get for 5th grade), and got along with me just fine.
Girls my age, though, were hit and miss. I remember being tickled to torture repeatedly by a girl in my pre-kinder class. She'd make me laugh, then get me in trouble with Mrs. Brodie, and do it again. In first grade, there was Margerite and Margo, both of whom made sure they knew they hated me. Repeatedly and often.
But there were friends I did have, like a Chinese friend (whose name, I also can't remember), who enjoyed hanging out with me, and even invited me over to play dolls with her. There was Brandi, who was into gaming, and so was I, and Ashley, who had the coolest Hermoine-style salt-and-pepper streaked hair ever.
I had boy friends as well, but in general enjoyed my time with girls so much more. One of my male friends was a boy named Richard. Richard had long hair. Just like a girl's. And so began my decades long fight for long hair.
My mother was a hairdresser, so she cut my hair up till I was 22 and moved out of town. I'd see her cutting all her friend's hair, or trimming really long hair, and I'd wanted to look like that, too. Mom was having none of it, though, and kept my hair close cropped and VERY short. When I brought up Richard's hair, her response was that she thought that was bvery innapropriate, and if he was her son, it'd get chopped right off.
But wanting my hair long and styled was a wish that never went away.
