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Oct. 21st, 2013 12:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariBeing transgender means changing your gender. Gender is a function of sex. So sometimes it's tough to write about trans stuff without hemming and hawwing over things that some people might find embarassing, or too-much-information. This is my way of saying, I'm going to talk about some anatomyish things that you may want to skip. Nothing dirty, nothing oogy...just talking about things that most people don't think about not being transgendered.
My parents came over today and after a nice lunch, we went out for some ice cream in my old Hyde Park stomping grounds. Hyde Park is very young, being so close to the University and The Drag. As we were getting ready to leave, a young woman, wearing some very tight revealing pants, as is the style these days.
I turned around and reached down to grab my keys off the table as she walked by, and got a good view of her crotch. The pants were tight....not tight enough to be called camel toe, but quite revealing. And immediately, it evoked an emotional response...but not the one you'd expect.
I have not had my surgery as yet. And, in fact, kind of gave it up because my savings kept getting destroyed. This means I still have my original equipment albiet years of hormones have rendered it nonfunctional and shadow of it's former self. But it's still there. And its in the way.
I wear specific clothing to hide that bulge. Often long flowing skirts, loose pants, or tights and pantyhose that restrict that thing from popping out of a tuck. But it's always there making it's presence known.
Seeing a woman walking by in tight pants, without a care in the world about any worrying bulges or walking somewhat funny to hide a bad tuck, casual enough to allow the world see that gentle flat curve...it nearly made me cry right then and there. She had something given to her that I have to work hard for, and will likely never get rid of. It can feel downright traumatic at times.
It's a selfish though, especially knowing allthe women who have told me they've had the same thoughts about penises ("I get one of those, and suddenly, I'm not just an expert in everything, but am taken seriously and get a ten percent pay raise.")...but it's just another reminder that I'm fighting my chromosomes and hormones...and it's often a losing battle.
It's been a nearly 10 hours since then, and it still bothers me...a few hours of sleep should fix that. Who knows what it'll take to fix the rest.
My parents came over today and after a nice lunch, we went out for some ice cream in my old Hyde Park stomping grounds. Hyde Park is very young, being so close to the University and The Drag. As we were getting ready to leave, a young woman, wearing some very tight revealing pants, as is the style these days.
I turned around and reached down to grab my keys off the table as she walked by, and got a good view of her crotch. The pants were tight....not tight enough to be called camel toe, but quite revealing. And immediately, it evoked an emotional response...but not the one you'd expect.
I have not had my surgery as yet. And, in fact, kind of gave it up because my savings kept getting destroyed. This means I still have my original equipment albiet years of hormones have rendered it nonfunctional and shadow of it's former self. But it's still there. And its in the way.
I wear specific clothing to hide that bulge. Often long flowing skirts, loose pants, or tights and pantyhose that restrict that thing from popping out of a tuck. But it's always there making it's presence known.
Seeing a woman walking by in tight pants, without a care in the world about any worrying bulges or walking somewhat funny to hide a bad tuck, casual enough to allow the world see that gentle flat curve...it nearly made me cry right then and there. She had something given to her that I have to work hard for, and will likely never get rid of. It can feel downright traumatic at times.
It's a selfish though, especially knowing allthe women who have told me they've had the same thoughts about penises ("I get one of those, and suddenly, I'm not just an expert in everything, but am taken seriously and get a ten percent pay raise.")...but it's just another reminder that I'm fighting my chromosomes and hormones...and it's often a losing battle.
It's been a nearly 10 hours since then, and it still bothers me...a few hours of sleep should fix that. Who knows what it'll take to fix the rest.
