dolari | Honey Bunches of....DEATH.

And the first "Fuck You Shitty Movey Award" goes to.....

ZARDOZ!

The "Fuck You Shutty Movey" award comes frmo a one sentence review of the new Knight Rider movie. Consisting soley of "Fuck You Shitty Movey" (with that specific spelling), truer words were never spoken by a twelve year old writing when mom wasn't looking. The new Knight Rider was one of the few movies where I felt I'd wasted my time watching it. And I watch some bad movies.

And Zardoz. WOW. Zardoz. I knew it was a cult movie. I saw the trailers. Sean Connery. Guns. Floating Giant Heads. Red Diapers. My god, this could be the best thing ever. Especially when the gigantic stone head says "The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!" And then it vomits shotguns and shells like most of us were doing last weekend after Moviegasm.

And then...after about two minutes...the movie slams on the breaks, turns down a wrong alley and becomes a long slow diatribe about how humanity has achieved immortality, and can't procreate because the future is only women and gay men. Straight men are kept out of the immortal society and just kill people all the time to...well...kill them.

Eventually, Zed (Connery) ends up being assimilated into the society and kills all the eternals, but only after a really really really really long long long oh my god a long time of staring at people being bored, dissidents being turned into old British people, or using sheets to imply there's a grand computer plan at work (which of course Connery destroys). Oh, and there are random limp naked women used as set dressing.

At the end of the movie, I just....I...I...I watched The Projected Man, just to clean the pallette. This is the first time I had to wash the bad taste of a bad movie with ANOTHER BAD MOVIE.

And for that, it gets the first: "FUCK YOU SHITTY MOVEY" award.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=B5QaAMvmjB0 - The incredibly misleading trailer for Zardoz.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=12hxZ77gZus - A review of Zardoz that I agree with 100%!