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Feb. 23rd, 2002 07:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariIt's 7AM.
It's 7AM in the morning.
The sun is out.
And I'm not the least bit tired.
I got bored with the internet at Midnight. Since then, I've watched two Doctor Who Serials and Superman II.
I did some centernig and meditation around 4AM, just like I try to do everynight. This time whe nI came out of it, something was "Wrong." Actually, th whole session felt wrong. Usually when I go into a meditation, I go to a little space I've made for myself and it's a happy little place that I get to play around in. This time, it was the same place...but I spent a lot of time crying. And then I got terribly cold, and conjured up a comforter. And I was cold cold cold and sad sad sad. Eventually, I was lying on the ground, wrapped in a comforter bawling my eyes out and having a sadness tantrum (As opposed to a temper tantrum, where you go violently nuts, a sadness tantrum is when you can't stop crying).
I finally popped out of it all when I realized I was beginning to feel worse and worse in "real life." Once out, I had to shake this terrible feeling of sadness. It wasn't sad at any one thing, although I prolly have millions of things to be sad about, just a general feeling of depression. AndI COULD NOT lift myself out of it.
I tried to get to bed a few minutes ago, and I couldn't sleep. All I COULD do ni bed was feel worse and worse and worse. And the depression began to turn into dread, and the dread into terror.
It's 7AM, and I can't sleep.
The sun is out, and I hate it.
And what's worse, is if Mom sees me up at 7AM, she'll expect me to stay up with her incessant little "You're wasting the day" chant. Nothing pisses me off than not sleeping because of insomnia, or parental unit deciding you're wasting the day.
I'm gonna try and go to bed. I Doubt I'll get any sleep in the next few hours. But if I don't, it's rise and shine with the early birds for me. :P
It's 7AM in the morning.
The sun is out.
And I'm not the least bit tired.
I got bored with the internet at Midnight. Since then, I've watched two Doctor Who Serials and Superman II.
I did some centernig and meditation around 4AM, just like I try to do everynight. This time whe nI came out of it, something was "Wrong." Actually, th whole session felt wrong. Usually when I go into a meditation, I go to a little space I've made for myself and it's a happy little place that I get to play around in. This time, it was the same place...but I spent a lot of time crying. And then I got terribly cold, and conjured up a comforter. And I was cold cold cold and sad sad sad. Eventually, I was lying on the ground, wrapped in a comforter bawling my eyes out and having a sadness tantrum (As opposed to a temper tantrum, where you go violently nuts, a sadness tantrum is when you can't stop crying).
I finally popped out of it all when I realized I was beginning to feel worse and worse in "real life." Once out, I had to shake this terrible feeling of sadness. It wasn't sad at any one thing, although I prolly have millions of things to be sad about, just a general feeling of depression. AndI COULD NOT lift myself out of it.
I tried to get to bed a few minutes ago, and I couldn't sleep. All I COULD do ni bed was feel worse and worse and worse. And the depression began to turn into dread, and the dread into terror.
It's 7AM, and I can't sleep.
The sun is out, and I hate it.
And what's worse, is if Mom sees me up at 7AM, she'll expect me to stay up with her incessant little "You're wasting the day" chant. Nothing pisses me off than not sleeping because of insomnia, or parental unit deciding you're wasting the day.
I'm gonna try and go to bed. I Doubt I'll get any sleep in the next few hours. But if I don't, it's rise and shine with the early birds for me. :P
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Date: 2002-02-23 11:04 am (UTC)i love you...
AmY