Woo hoo. Those wacky Victorian women.
Mar. 15th, 2002 05:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariWhen you'er bored, your mind thinks deep thoughts....
One thing I learned, while I was over at Erin's, was that Ihave serious control issues.
Mind you I learned about these in a non-bad way, butI did learn about it,anyways.
I've always had problems with RPGs and the like. One thing I saw at the Ren Faire were people completely immersed in their roles. Like the non-troupe faeries who were dancing in the rain, the jousters and the like. RPG games which you are supposed to be immersed in, I only focus on how the story is being told, or the actions of others. I, myself, simply can't get into the role.
I'm the eternal audience. :)
What really sunk in was the discussion about how I love movies, but never get sucked in by them. Ian KcKellan isn't Gandalf. He's PLAYING Gandalf. HArrison Ford isn't the President. He's PLAYING the persident. Jar Jar isn't a character, he's a very annoying example of excellent CGI graphics.
A good example of this is a scene in LOTR. There's a shot where the Fellowship is going up a snow covered mountain. They get blocked by Saruman (or whatever Chris Lee's character is named...I get him confused with Sauron). Instead of seeing this as a way of explaining "Gandalf has some issues with the Balrog" in the middle of the movie, my brain said "Why not explain that he has issues before they make ti to the mountain. This way, the story flows better, and you don't have a side trip you have to walk back from.
I was busy rewriting the movie as I watched it.
I thought everyone was like this. A friend of mine erally gets swept up in the story...I thought she was te exception, not the rule. Turns out it's the other way around. I'mthe exception.
Even when I write, I'm not immersed in story. I'm having it acted out in front of me, and I simply report it.
This also goes with my view of myself. My own self identity is pretty messed up, especially since I know that depite all my efforts I'll only end up being a cut up chromosomally XY person. Not a true female. Erin and I also had a LONG discussion about that. And again, it comes down to seeing this as a role, instead of who I am on the inside. No matter how much I try, I can't see myself as a true female. Ever. Looking back, women have opened their arms and welcomed me in to thier little club...but I've always thought of myself as an invader.
I think it all comes down to control. I'm busy tryig to figure out who _I_ am...everything else will have to wait until I figure out this paradox, which is an irrisistable force hitting the immovable object. Like the Herman Robot, if I think about it too long, smoke comes out from my ears and my little flashing necklace things stays lit.
Even now I'm getting a migraine trying to get all the pieces to fit.
One thing I learned, while I was over at Erin's, was that Ihave serious control issues.
Mind you I learned about these in a non-bad way, butI did learn about it,anyways.
I've always had problems with RPGs and the like. One thing I saw at the Ren Faire were people completely immersed in their roles. Like the non-troupe faeries who were dancing in the rain, the jousters and the like. RPG games which you are supposed to be immersed in, I only focus on how the story is being told, or the actions of others. I, myself, simply can't get into the role.
I'm the eternal audience. :)
What really sunk in was the discussion about how I love movies, but never get sucked in by them. Ian KcKellan isn't Gandalf. He's PLAYING Gandalf. HArrison Ford isn't the President. He's PLAYING the persident. Jar Jar isn't a character, he's a very annoying example of excellent CGI graphics.
A good example of this is a scene in LOTR. There's a shot where the Fellowship is going up a snow covered mountain. They get blocked by Saruman (or whatever Chris Lee's character is named...I get him confused with Sauron). Instead of seeing this as a way of explaining "Gandalf has some issues with the Balrog" in the middle of the movie, my brain said "Why not explain that he has issues before they make ti to the mountain. This way, the story flows better, and you don't have a side trip you have to walk back from.
I was busy rewriting the movie as I watched it.
I thought everyone was like this. A friend of mine erally gets swept up in the story...I thought she was te exception, not the rule. Turns out it's the other way around. I'mthe exception.
Even when I write, I'm not immersed in story. I'm having it acted out in front of me, and I simply report it.
This also goes with my view of myself. My own self identity is pretty messed up, especially since I know that depite all my efforts I'll only end up being a cut up chromosomally XY person. Not a true female. Erin and I also had a LONG discussion about that. And again, it comes down to seeing this as a role, instead of who I am on the inside. No matter how much I try, I can't see myself as a true female. Ever. Looking back, women have opened their arms and welcomed me in to thier little club...but I've always thought of myself as an invader.
I think it all comes down to control. I'm busy tryig to figure out who _I_ am...everything else will have to wait until I figure out this paradox, which is an irrisistable force hitting the immovable object. Like the Herman Robot, if I think about it too long, smoke comes out from my ears and my little flashing necklace things stays lit.
Even now I'm getting a migraine trying to get all the pieces to fit.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-03-16 12:53 am (UTC)Maybe I should just be the best me I could be, but if only I could fingure out the best me to be.
And knowing maked me a superstar! :)