(no subject)

[dolari]

The plan as it stands:

I've got one last job application sitting out there. The one I took the aptitude test for. If I happen to get a job from that, I'm staying. That said, the possibility of me getting and succeeding in tht job is incredibly low. It wasn't the job I applied for with them, I'm not sure I can do it if I get it. But if I do, I will try, really hard, cause I need to get these collections guys off my back and rebuild my finances.

Failing that - I'm moving home. Mostlikely on the 3rd, but as late as the 8th, if I don't hear anything. Thanks to two large donations, I have what I need to get home. I'll be getting a trailer hitch for the pickup, renting a U-haul trailer (not everythign will fit in the back this time), and driving for five days, pretty much nonstop home. If Emily is with me, we'll be stopping every 12 hours of driving and staying where we are. If it's just me, I plan to drive every waking moment and get home ASAP.

It's painful to move back. It means that the last year wasn't just a waste of my time, but a painful and costly waste. I came to Seattle with $1500 in my pocket. I'm leaving $5200 in debt. I moved up to marry Emily. I'm leaving because the bureacracy of economics she has to live under would wipe her out. I've met some wonderful people who'm I've grown very attatched to, and leaving them hurt. I've agonized for quite some time, because I know I would hurt my love and other good people by saying it's time to leave.

But let's face the facts: There are simply no jobs here. I've been living since May on donation and the goodwill of others. Before that, I lived on a deficit because I could afford to, until the job went away. Staying here without any source of income means living on other people's dimes, decimating my credit, the loss of my independence, and EMily frankly, being as far away from me in Vancouver as she was when I lived in Texas.

Think of me what you want. And I've heard what some of you think. A coward. An unfeeling girlfriend. A whiner. Someone who has misinterpreted the situation. IT WASN'T FOR A LACK OF TRYING. Going home means I can rebuild, and try again. I will get to Emily eventually, but this mountain has become to high to climb, and the avalanches are coming.

Comments

[iqtech.livejournal.com]

I know that you gave it your very best shot. I'll hope for a miracle - for both of us.

[nathan-r.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

Sending you all the prayers and good wishes and support that I can from way out here. Wish I could help more concretely.

[slipdragon.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, you just have to drop back and punt.

Drive safe, stop listening to the whiners. THEY'RE NOT YOU.

--B.

[kireishojo.livejournal.com]

I don't post much but i do not consider less of you because of this. Life just is sometimes.

[ghostangel.livejournal.com]

Wow, it looks like I was one of the only ones to think that going back to TX would be good for you. It's a little shortsighted of them to accuse you of anything. This is reality, and you're completely in the right to go back, recoup, and maybe try again someday. When you've lost, you've lost and all you can do is dig your way out. *hugs* Good luck!

[didactic-cudgel.livejournal.com]

I can't believe anyone would say such horrible things about your choice. You will survive this, as you have done so many other trials. Your love for Emily can only be judged by you and by Emily, and I suspect she knows full well how hard a choice this is for you. Good luck on the job, and failing that, safe travels and may you have good winds to your back.

<3

[http://users.livejournal.com/strangelv__/]

Experience comes with a price tag.

8\

You will survive!

[taracait.livejournal.com]

Jenn, take counsel from those who love you, but only you can choose. You will achieve your goals, perhaps not on the schedule you planned, but that's life.

I know how tough a choice you've had to make and the agonizing you've done.

I do appreciate that ultimately you MUST DEFEND YOUR OWN INTEGRITY. It is who you are and how you roll, and those who truly know and love you will understand.

Love & hugs as always.

Tara

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

If you have something that is some kind of safe haven and gives you a chance to regroup and rebuild, it doesn't make sense to stay in the battlefield getting your ass kicked with no chance of advancing.

I've always hoped you'd get a chance, if not actually a miracle, but if the job your waiting to hear about turns out to not be that chance, you have to make your own even if that means leaving and trying something else later.

*hug*

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

Having made this decision, don't look back in regret. Remember, you gave it your best shot.

Plus, if the main goal was to marry Em, and you need money for that, them maybe the $$$ is back in TX. I hope so.

[pazi-ashfeather.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

[iqtech.livejournal.com]

If anything - I respect you for taking a chance on a dream. Maybe it's not time for it now - I truly hope that there will be a time to make that move again and make it successfully.