(no subject)

[dolari]

I have been laying in bed for the last hour or so...I can't sleep. My mind is racing with everything I've ever done wrong in my life. Endless torments on how my life will never be anything I want it to be. Everyone I have ever wronged, and everyone who has ever wronged me are lining up to tell me what a bad person I am. And through it all is my own voice telling me I am a waste of skin.

It's gonna be one of THOSE days.

Yeah, I'm a fucked up person, I'll admit it.

I'll get a shrink as soon as I get some cash. OR a hitman. One or the other will prolly be just as theraputic.

Comments

[nathan-r.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling, Jenn. I get it far more often than I'd like to, or even care to admit. I also know that no matter how many times your friends remind you how great you are and how much they love you, it really won't help. It's still true, though. Feel better.

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I dig your userpic. :)

It was a fitful sleep - I'm over it now.

[nathan-r.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling better, and I'm glad you like the pic (even if it does make my receding hairline painfully obvious). A friend of mine gave me that helmet as a semi-gag gift after I came out of the wardrobe to her. It's tiding me over until I can get a real one. :)

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this will help, and I don't think you're as bad as all that.

A very good friend of mine was going through a bad period of self-loathing, and we had established that I could not convince him that he wasn't "pond scum." Finally, I looked at him and said, "Okay, you're pond scum. Even pond scum has a place in the food chain. If you keep beating yourself up, some fish is going to hungry." It occurs to me that my firends and I have really strange senses of humor. That cheered him up almost instantly.

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

It's not so much self-loathing as it's almost like a post traumatic flashback. I get them about once or twice a year, where my head simply decides to sit down and run a slide show of why I'm such a terrible person. I can argue all I want, and come up with positives, but that doensn't stop the slide show and constant almost hallucinatory experience I have when it happens.

Personally, while I really don't like myself ALL that much, and I really loathe my body, I'm not constantly down on myself. The journal entries made in happier times reflect that.

>"Okay, you're pond scum. Even pond scum has a place in the food chain. If you keep beating
>yourself up, some fish is going to hungry."

I like that, can I use it?

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

Consider it yours. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Note that the shrink with the Rx pad is a lot less likely to get you sent to another guilded cage...

...although the best antidepressant isn't available in the US... ...now if I could just remember what it's called...


SL