(no subject)

[dolari]

The more I write the Zakiri into a ess malevolent force, the more I write Dana more amicable to living in Gafana, the lonlier and more alienated I feel about my own life.

I guess she really was a massive outlet for my own issues with living in Seattle. It represents quite possibly the most massively disastrous life failure I've ever experienced.

I'm sorry Seattlite friends - I really do hate it here, and it's mostly my fault. Once I'm done with my obligations in March 2013, I'll be out of the city's hair.

Comments

[wytwolf.livejournal.com]

Hey, Washington isn't for everyone. Neither is Texas. You couldn't force me to live there XD Hang in there.

[pazi-ashfeather.livejournal.com]

You know, the Zakiri can be not-Evil and Dana can still be *very* uncomfy with the place. Play up the alienation angle -- some of her troops start to fit in, yet she still can't shake off what was done to her personally (the poison), or how utterly not-okay so much of this stuff feels. The food all seems unnatural and the diet is unfamiliar, some of the people will seem twisted and gone way too far with their ideology to her (she can't look at some of the more extreme pantropic mods without squick), the landscape is unpleasant to her and reminds her she Ain't From Around Here, some of the people come to treat her decently but almost nobody actually *accepts* her, she's very lonely and misses family and friends from back home (develop some of these connections for her, and make them significant -- right now she's just A Soldier Behind Enemy Lines, but who's she left behind?)...

I actually had a thought re: your military friend's reaction. I think Dana might very well *try* to start a coup, envisioning the Central Conference as a nation-state and the peer-to-peer defense networks as its military, and the commander who gave her the ultimatum and poisoned her as an appointed general. Play up the culture shock when she finally realizes that none of those assumptions really hold, and people visibly react to her misconception of how things work out here by assuming she's stupid or just gladly pointing out that no, we're autonomous and not controlled, not like you guys. Make it a sticking point for her -- nobody reports her or gets her into trouble, but she winds up with the egg on her face. Maybe even have her find out what "Tarhee" means sooner rather than later.

This could be doubly-delicious if local culture shows you've been accepted as an ingroup member when they feel free to make fun of you (I've been in so many subcultures and cultures like this, and people who aren't used to it tend to find it extremely abrasive and alienating). So for the locals, they've gotten used to her and they can tell she finally realizes just how in over their head she is, and now "Tarhee" has become sort of an affectionate nickname and they're occasionally cracking jokes about the Grand And Glorious Revolution Against Our Zakiri Overlords, but she doesn't take it in good humor because she's both not used to that style, and she's feeling ever more bitter and resentful.

The last thought is that a Zakiri town won't have a Mayor per se -- what will be most important after Gefanna severs ties with the Central Conference will be a strategist and leader for the defense forces. If Dana has come to feel some obligation by the end of the story (which I actually like, but you might want to drag it out a bit longer so that she has to spend a while coming to terms with the place) she'll very likely feel the need to make sure this role is met, but that may or may not involve her staying in the end.

[pazi-ashfeather.livejournal.com]

Another piece is, re: the poison, by Zakiri standards what was done to her was the fault of the individual who placed her in that coercive situation. The commander definitely compromised the mainline ideology's emphasis on autonomy and self-determination, by coercing someone to a promise with the implicit threat of a gun waiting if she chose not to take it. That's a different form of corruption and unethical warfare practice than we're used to in the RINCS or the real-world countries like it, but it's very tangibly a violation in terms of Zakiri cultures.

If only Dana and Thayla are taking the antidote, she might never have told anyone else. Her own soldiers don't know. She might initially fail to realize that the culture she's living in now considers what was done to her as wrong as her own, just for somewhat different reasons, and with a different view of accountability. She might never say anything to anyone except Thayla, who accepted what was done to him out of misguided loyalty to a commander who'd gone too far, and it will take a long time for him to change his mind about things, or for Dana to realize, gradually, that the Zakiri can't be understood in terms of governments and nation-states, and likely nobody else even *knew* about what was done to her.

Coming to this awareness might help her gain the understanding she needs eventually to persuade the people of Gefanna to cut ties with the Central Conference...