Five hours of talk time -- test the endurance of the human tongue!

Okay, this whole "ex-" thing is getting really really weird.

Today she wanted to do something together, and I took off to Bastrop (Mainly looking for a spot that I was SURE was used for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie). We drove to Bastrop, looked around, made for Paige to see the ruins of the old downtown. From there, on to McDade, Butler, Elgin and Manor. We never did find filming spots - but I think we found the country store the girl gets trapped in. I'll have to rent the DVD again to find out.

We came home, got groceries together, watched TV.

The scary thing is, it's like old times. I need to sit myself down and see if I need to redefine my definitions of friends...cause it was like we were back in 1997 all over again.

Maybe that's what she meant by "it's always seemed like we were friends, not lovers."

I'll haveta think about that one.

I'm still plowing through When Rabbit Cries. It's kinda weird because a little of what the girl is experiencing happens to me. She hears voices in her head. So do I. But in my case, the voices telling me things I KNOW are a part of my subconscious, and can deal with what they say in that form. It's not so much a voice, as a strong thought. I'm constantly hearing that I'm ugly, or worthless from a little nagging voice in the back of my head. That I don't deserve a reward that I'm getting, or finally getting justice when I'm punished.

In Roman times, when a hero marched into Rome after some great victory, he was always followed by a man in chains from the area conquered...he'd constantly whisper in the conqueror's ear "Sic transit gloria mundi" or some such. "Thus passes the glory of the world." Keep your feet on the ground. Don't start getting lofty ideas of your own worth.

I'm not really bothered by my "voice" all that much by it - I figure it's my man in chains.

There are of course other things. She has memory "patches" where I have blurry-window-in-need-of-cleaning memory. She has memory flecks - where memories flash up against her vision, mostly of terrible things done to her. I have those too, quick bursts of almost hallucination type flashbacks of "stupid things Jenn has done." She forgets things almost immediately after they're done. One of the reasons for my breakup was that very fact. She uses "we" and "us" when describing herself. I do that. When under stress, I shift into a different "mode" staring off into space and just letting words or actions ramble out, hoping they'll resolve themselves in the end. She does that.

Granted, from spending time WITH someone with MPD, I know I don't have it. I've got a shrink who was specifically looking for that possibility backing me up. I had a pretty decent childhood, just one (non-physical brain type) trauma I had to deal with all my life, and am still dealing with it now. Mom is a very hard person to deal with, but nothing like the horrors that caused the woman or Geri to break up into hundreds of people. But it makes you wonder if that defense mechanism is in everyone in one form or another, and it activates in shades as it's needed.

Then again, someone made a big deal that I might have post traumatic syndrome, especially with the flashbacks, and that my stress tolerance is just really really really microscopically low.

Just some food for thought since I know only two other people read this, and that second one got here by accident. :)

Five hours of talk time -- test the endurance of the human tongue!

Okay, this whole "ex-" thing is getting really really weird.

Today she wanted to do something together, and I took off to Bastrop (Mainly looking for a spot that I was SURE was used for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie). We drove to Bastrop, looked around, made for Paige to see the ruins of the old downtown. From there, on to McDade, Butler, Elgin and Manor. We never did find filming spots - but I think we found the country store the girl gets trapped in. I'll have to rent the DVD again to find out.

We came home, got groceries together, watched TV.

The scary thing is, it's like old times. I need to sit myself down and see if I need to redefine my definitions of friends...cause it was like we were back in 1997 all over again.

Maybe that's what she meant by "it's always seemed like we were friends, not lovers."

I'll haveta think about that one.

I'm still plowing through When Rabbit Cries. It's kinda weird because a little of what the girl is experiencing happens to me. She hears voices in her head. So do I. But in my case, the voices telling me things I KNOW are a part of my subconscious, and can deal with what they say in that form. It's not so much a voice, as a strong thought. I'm constantly hearing that I'm ugly, or worthless from a little nagging voice in the back of my head. That I don't deserve a reward that I'm getting, or finally getting justice when I'm punished.

In Roman times, when a hero marched into Rome after some great victory, he was always followed by a man in chains from the area conquered...he'd constantly whisper in the conqueror's ear "Sic transit gloria mundi" or some such. "Thus passes the glory of the world." Keep your feet on the ground. Don't start getting lofty ideas of your own worth.

I'm not really bothered by my "voice" all that much by it - I figure it's my man in chains.

There are of course other things. She has memory "patches" where I have blurry-window-in-need-of-cleaning memory. She has memory flecks - where memories flash up against her vision, mostly of terrible things done to her. I have those too, quick bursts of almost hallucination type flashbacks of "stupid things Jenn has done." She forgets things almost immediately after they're done. One of the reasons for my breakup was that very fact. She uses "we" and "us" when describing herself. I do that. When under stress, I shift into a different "mode" staring off into space and just letting words or actions ramble out, hoping they'll resolve themselves in the end. She does that.

Granted, from spending time WITH someone with MPD, I know I don't have it. I've got a shrink who was specifically looking for that possibility backing me up. I had a pretty decent childhood, just one (non-physical brain type) trauma I had to deal with all my life, and am still dealing with it now. Mom is a very hard person to deal with, but nothing like the horrors that caused the woman or Geri to break up into hundreds of people. But it makes you wonder if that defense mechanism is in everyone in one form or another, and it activates in shades as it's needed.

Then again, someone made a big deal that I might have post traumatic syndrome, especially with the flashbacks, and that my stress tolerance is just really really really microscopically low.

Just some food for thought since I know only two other people read this, and that second one got here by accident. :)