Just get "Born to Lose" tattooed on your forehead and be done with it.

The self-doubt creeps in.

It's been almost a month now that I've been unemployed. I've sent out over sixty resumes. I received one callback which quickly evaporated.

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." --Marcus Cole

My mind reels, bobs, swims like a buoy. I've thought to much today. It happens...same problem Hamlet had. If Hamlet had just stopped trying to think so much through, he mighta killed Claudius. The problem is, it can't shut down. I have never been able to simply blank out my brain. I've tried lots of concentration exercises, clearing my mind of everything. It just doesn't work...my brain will comment on anything and everything around it. If there is no noise around me, my brain will start up some mindless babble in order to make noise. What are the CMYK colors of the paint on the walls? What is causing the temperature to rise in here? Where is that breeze from? What part of my blouse is making me itch?

A familiar argument arises. It is dismissed.

I'm a good worker with a killer work ethic. Just ask any of my previous employers. I'm professional, make few mistakes, and I'm usually spoken of with flying colors. So why are there no callbacks?

"I bought a prayer balloon the other day. Although I don't know why I bother. I didn't even watch it rise. I know God won't receive it. And even if he does, he won't listen...." --Eppy Thatcher

I tend to have Atheistic tendencies. Not by choice, but by self-defense. I'd LIKE to think there was a some kind of god out there, watching over us, making sure that certain things happened for a certain reason. But.

"...because I know God hates me." --Eppy Thatcher.

The terrible terrible suffering in the world, his actions towards the people in my life, and myself. No "intelligence" would allow any of this.

I must redouble my efforts. I have less than three weeks to find a job. I'm very scared.

Just get "Born to Lose" tattooed on your forehead and be done with it.

The self-doubt creeps in.

It's been almost a month now that I've been unemployed. I've sent out over sixty resumes. I received one callback which quickly evaporated.

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." --Marcus Cole

My mind reels, bobs, swims like a buoy. I've thought to much today. It happens...same problem Hamlet had. If Hamlet had just stopped trying to think so much through, he mighta killed Claudius. The problem is, it can't shut down. I have never been able to simply blank out my brain. I've tried lots of concentration exercises, clearing my mind of everything. It just doesn't work...my brain will comment on anything and everything around it. If there is no noise around me, my brain will start up some mindless babble in order to make noise. What are the CMYK colors of the paint on the walls? What is causing the temperature to rise in here? Where is that breeze from? What part of my blouse is making me itch?

A familiar argument arises. It is dismissed.

I'm a good worker with a killer work ethic. Just ask any of my previous employers. I'm professional, make few mistakes, and I'm usually spoken of with flying colors. So why are there no callbacks?

"I bought a prayer balloon the other day. Although I don't know why I bother. I didn't even watch it rise. I know God won't receive it. And even if he does, he won't listen...." --Eppy Thatcher

I tend to have Atheistic tendencies. Not by choice, but by self-defense. I'd LIKE to think there was a some kind of god out there, watching over us, making sure that certain things happened for a certain reason. But.

"...because I know God hates me." --Eppy Thatcher.

The terrible terrible suffering in the world, his actions towards the people in my life, and myself. No "intelligence" would allow any of this.

I must redouble my efforts. I have less than three weeks to find a job. I'm very scared.