(no subject)

Apple called me today.

I didn't get the job.

They said it was because I didn't have enough customer service experience. Fuck that. A year of Kinko's, half a year a Dell, half a year at Zenith, two years of retail. WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?

I know why. It's because I'm ugly. Very ugly. I have the knowledge, and the experience, but in the female world, that doesn't matter if you're ugly. I can't change what I am, but even the freaks need to eat, you know. When it comes to beauty, I don't cut it. And don't give me any "You're beautiful on the inside" claptrap. That doesn't count for people who don't know you.

This year wants me dead, and it's SO close to killing me. UNBELIEVABLY close.

I think I'm going to go now...take a walk...and cry. I guess I'm going home. I don't what to. But I can't afford anything else, anymore.

I think I need to go for a walk. Definitely.

A long long long walk.

(no subject)

Apple called me today.

I didn't get the job.

They said it was because I didn't have enough customer service experience. Fuck that. A year of Kinko's, half a year a Dell, half a year at Zenith, two years of retail. WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?

I know why. It's because I'm ugly. Very ugly. I have the knowledge, and the experience, but in the female world, that doesn't matter if you're ugly. I can't change what I am, but even the freaks need to eat, you know. When it comes to beauty, I don't cut it. And don't give me any "You're beautiful on the inside" claptrap. That doesn't count for people who don't know you.

This year wants me dead, and it's SO close to killing me. UNBELIEVABLY close.

I think I'm going to go now...take a walk...and cry. I guess I'm going home. I don't what to. But I can't afford anything else, anymore.

I think I need to go for a walk. Definitely.

A long long long walk.

Things fall apart - the center does not hold.

So, when they called, the woman's first line bothered me immediately:

"Did I get back to you about the Apple job?"

I knew we were off to the wrong foot with this call. One does not simply forget a job offer. But they can forget wether they've been told they DON'T have the job or not.

"We're sorry, but we will not be hiring you for the tech support position. Your scores were very high technically, but we do not feel you have the customer support experience for the job."

At this point we said our good byes and I punched a wall. I just spent six months with Dell - the top PC maker in the country. A job that my managers FOUGHT to keep me at. I spent six months with Swan Technologies. While I was there, we were considered the top PC maker in the country. I spent a full year with Kinko's. If maintaining a smile while a customer tells you you're garbage isn't customer service, I don't know what is. Two years schilling comics to the most fickle customers there are. What do I need to do? Give a blow job to each and every customer on the planet?

No, I know exactly why they didn't hire me. I have a disfigurement. A nasty one. A few people who have the same...problem...can hide their disability so well, that it just doesn't matter in their lives except to themselves. I don't have this luxury. I am ugly. This is why I didn't take any pictures of myself from 1989 to 2000. Anytime someone took pictures of me, I made sure I was covered, or had a face that no one would want to keep. I hated cameras.

Even now, you'll hardly ever see a full body shot of me that isn't heavily Photoshopped. hell, even my face is pretty heavily photoshopped or specifically lit so you can't see my condition.

I get The Look often. It's the main reason I never go out anymore. I'm pointed at, laughed at, stared at. I hate people because of The Look. When I went to Apple, I got The Look from the recruiter. I got The Look from the manager.

At Dell, I got The Look. From my recruiter, my manager, my trainers. But you know what - they hired me any ways, and I went on to work with distinction. I trained people. They FOUGHT to keep me from being layed off.

At Kinko's, I got The Look from customers. Most of them let me be, but many complained to my managers. They're response - "She does good work, well." Once someone made a pretty nasty remark about me to a friend at work. Her response - "Jenn is the nicest, kindest person on the planet."

That doesn't stop the idiocy, though.

Well, I'm officially off. Gonna take the next month off to get stuff packed and move home. But once there, I'm opening up the floodgate. Gonna start looking for work across the damned United States. Anywhere. If the jobs won't come to me, I guess I gotta go to the jobs.

It doesn't stop The Hurt though. And it won't stop The Look.

Things fall apart - the center does not hold.

So, when they called, the woman's first line bothered me immediately:

"Did I get back to you about the Apple job?"

I knew we were off to the wrong foot with this call. One does not simply forget a job offer. But they can forget wether they've been told they DON'T have the job or not.

"We're sorry, but we will not be hiring you for the tech support position. Your scores were very high technically, but we do not feel you have the customer support experience for the job."

At this point we said our good byes and I punched a wall. I just spent six months with Dell - the top PC maker in the country. A job that my managers FOUGHT to keep me at. I spent six months with Swan Technologies. While I was there, we were considered the top PC maker in the country. I spent a full year with Kinko's. If maintaining a smile while a customer tells you you're garbage isn't customer service, I don't know what is. Two years schilling comics to the most fickle customers there are. What do I need to do? Give a blow job to each and every customer on the planet?

No, I know exactly why they didn't hire me. I have a disfigurement. A nasty one. A few people who have the same...problem...can hide their disability so well, that it just doesn't matter in their lives except to themselves. I don't have this luxury. I am ugly. This is why I didn't take any pictures of myself from 1989 to 2000. Anytime someone took pictures of me, I made sure I was covered, or had a face that no one would want to keep. I hated cameras.

Even now, you'll hardly ever see a full body shot of me that isn't heavily Photoshopped. hell, even my face is pretty heavily photoshopped or specifically lit so you can't see my condition.

I get The Look often. It's the main reason I never go out anymore. I'm pointed at, laughed at, stared at. I hate people because of The Look. When I went to Apple, I got The Look from the recruiter. I got The Look from the manager.

At Dell, I got The Look. From my recruiter, my manager, my trainers. But you know what - they hired me any ways, and I went on to work with distinction. I trained people. They FOUGHT to keep me from being layed off.

At Kinko's, I got The Look from customers. Most of them let me be, but many complained to my managers. They're response - "She does good work, well." Once someone made a pretty nasty remark about me to a friend at work. Her response - "Jenn is the nicest, kindest person on the planet."

That doesn't stop the idiocy, though.

Well, I'm officially off. Gonna take the next month off to get stuff packed and move home. But once there, I'm opening up the floodgate. Gonna start looking for work across the damned United States. Anywhere. If the jobs won't come to me, I guess I gotta go to the jobs.

It doesn't stop The Hurt though. And it won't stop The Look.