(no subject)

The other day, while visiting Canada, I had made a few plans to see a few sites. And I dropped them all to help a friend move some stuff across town. She said she was surprised I'd just drop it all to help...but to be honest...I did it for a very specific reason.

When I first moved up here, it was with the intention to move to Canada. I immersed myself in Canadian culture. I committed to the move. It was going to be my new home, so I felt I should fit in. When Emily was in the hospital, and I spent my first days in Canada navigating without her. The first time I really felt like I fit into Canada as a Canadian.

We all know how that went, and now I'm just an occasional visitor to my Almost Home.

But...dropping it all to do something as mundane as help a friend move stuff across town? To just pick up stuff at a mundane park, and take it to a warehouse? Just HELPING someone?

I was just another (almost) Canadian helping a Canadian on their day off of work. And it was a much more meaningful day than it would have been otherwise. It felt like the life I was planning to have, instead of the life I ended up for it.

I hope that doesn't sound fetishistic. I really bought into the culture and life. And I do enjoy pretending for a few hours that maybe I crossed that border and found my fortune there.

(no subject)

I don't like having a bad "Afraid of the Dark" evening. _I_ know things are fine. My brain, though, decides otherwise. I've gotten so so so much better about it in adulthood (as a kid, I terrified of the dark), but sometimes (thankfully rarely) the brain just decides "EVERY SNAP OF THE HOUSE SETTLING IS SOMEONE TRYING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP WAKE UP RIGHT NOW FULL OF ADRENALINE."

I think it was because I was alone in a pretty big house with multiple floors, instead of just the usual smaller hobbit holes I tend to live in. More space for uncertainty. And my brain hates uncertainty.

Anyways, hopefully better sleep tonight.

(no subject)

Thoughts Before Bed

Last night I saw "Collosus: The Forbin Project" where a giant computer takes over the nuclear arsenals of the US and then-USSR, and uses it to begin controlling humanity for the better, whether humanity wants it to or not.

I'm sure, back in 1970, that was a horrifying thought. 2018, though? I think Collosus is WAY more benevolent than what we have running the US these days.