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dolariI have done nothing today.
I woke up. Deposited some money for my mother. Went back in my room, and barely left.
I will be dragged out soon by paranoid parents who, despite the fact that I do not drink, smoke, or do a single drug, will consider me unhealthy and needful of being watched.
I have done nothing but sit here and brood.
Oh, and watch Battlebots. Yeah, Battlebots, rocks.
Brooding is a bad thing.
I've managed to dissect my life into little segments of "This is where you fucked up." "And this is where you fucked up" "And this ruined your childhood" "And this here is why no one talks to you" "And here is where PErson X made a fool of you" "Here's someone from high school that you still wish dead even though it's been a decade."
All the while, I sit and wait fo the next opportunity to go to sleep, wake up and be pelasantly surprised at the job offer on the phone.
I go out of my way to distract myself when I begin to brood. Lately it's been organizing my CDs (I don't know why I bother, mom wills ee that I'm organizing something and reorganize it the way SHE wants). Another is listening to Cowboy Bebop music. A third is watching DVDs. I haven't put pen to paper as of yet. I really should. I don't though.
Everyone out there tells me I draw excellently. That I have a gift. I think that's hunky-dory. I like drawing, and yes, it is a gift. But the main reason I don't draw more is that I have all these wonderful scenes, scenarios, camera shots that I want to put on paper...but I lack the experience or the ability to do it the way I want. My drawing style is vaguely anime-ish (Unless you live in the mid-80s, in which case it's cutting edge). This isn't how I see the figures in m yhead. The figures up there are as real as you or I. And when they finally block out a scene, I ahve to stop and tell them, I can't draw that way.
I tell stories, I draw them. But they're never the story I "see." Only the story I'm capable of telling. Only the way I am able to do it.
Now I'm going to do my fourht thing when I incessantly brood. I'm going to play Doom.
I woke up. Deposited some money for my mother. Went back in my room, and barely left.
I will be dragged out soon by paranoid parents who, despite the fact that I do not drink, smoke, or do a single drug, will consider me unhealthy and needful of being watched.
I have done nothing but sit here and brood.
Oh, and watch Battlebots. Yeah, Battlebots, rocks.
Brooding is a bad thing.
I've managed to dissect my life into little segments of "This is where you fucked up." "And this is where you fucked up" "And this ruined your childhood" "And this here is why no one talks to you" "And here is where PErson X made a fool of you" "Here's someone from high school that you still wish dead even though it's been a decade."
All the while, I sit and wait fo the next opportunity to go to sleep, wake up and be pelasantly surprised at the job offer on the phone.
I go out of my way to distract myself when I begin to brood. Lately it's been organizing my CDs (I don't know why I bother, mom wills ee that I'm organizing something and reorganize it the way SHE wants). Another is listening to Cowboy Bebop music. A third is watching DVDs. I haven't put pen to paper as of yet. I really should. I don't though.
Everyone out there tells me I draw excellently. That I have a gift. I think that's hunky-dory. I like drawing, and yes, it is a gift. But the main reason I don't draw more is that I have all these wonderful scenes, scenarios, camera shots that I want to put on paper...but I lack the experience or the ability to do it the way I want. My drawing style is vaguely anime-ish (Unless you live in the mid-80s, in which case it's cutting edge). This isn't how I see the figures in m yhead. The figures up there are as real as you or I. And when they finally block out a scene, I ahve to stop and tell them, I can't draw that way.
I tell stories, I draw them. But they're never the story I "see." Only the story I'm capable of telling. Only the way I am able to do it.
Now I'm going to do my fourht thing when I incessantly brood. I'm going to play Doom.
