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dolariSo I went to the drafthouse to see the Transformers movie. I feel kinda like I wasted the day, though. Notbecause of the movie, but because of the long drive to the Drafthouse, the long drive back, and the Nothing Else to Do before and after the movie.
I've heard so many reviews ranging from "Best Action Movie Ever" to "They Raped my Childhood!" Back in 1996, I had a very rude awakening with Independence Day. From that point before, I'd gone to movies and really enjoyed plots and stories and writing. Independence Day...was tripe. Pure and simple tripe. Aliens that were Mac Compatible. Stupid slogans replacing dialogue. Add to this the recent dissapointment I had when I realized the structure of how scripts get dumbed down repeatedly in movies and TVs and the Summer Blockbuster was ruined for me.
When I saw a Transformers movie was on the horizon, and it was Michael EXPLODE EVERYTHING Bay, I kinda started worrying. When it was being touted as an Action Summer Blockbuster, I got REALLY worried. Even the hiring of Peter Cullen didnt' really raise my expectations.
Now, I wasn't going around like the Comic Book Guys yelling "They raped my childhood!" or "WORST. MOVIE. EVER." without actually seeing it. Can't judge a movie till you see it, or read reviews from people you trust.
So I went to see The Transformers. I knew I wouldn't get something like 2001, or even Star Trek V. I just turned off my brain and watched:
I didn't lose any brain synapses watching it.
I didn't learn anything by it either.
It was full of cliches.
Groaner jokes.
Flimsy plot.
Plotholes everywhere.
And I absolutely adored it. :D
Cause I went to see Big Robots Trash Everything. And they did. It totally delivered on the Big Robots Trashing Everything. They trashed EVERYTHING. :D
The Good:
Shia LaBeouf was freat. He wasn't The Nerd That Got the Girl, he was The Huckster What Got Everyone On His Side. Yeah, he was still a nerd, but after three Peter Parker movies that cliche was put on it's side. I don't know how much of that was script, or how much was acting (or both), but it made for a nice change.
The little nods to fandom were great - seeing the VW Bug next to Bumblebee's Camaro, the occasional Trademarked Transformers Lines.
The desctruction and firepower of both the Army and the transformers themselves actually felt believable (minus the "EMP" style explosion that just seemed to come from the helicopter's feet). The damage also felt real. In the cartoon, you had gigantic robots fighting in the streets not leaving so much as a crack in the pavement. Here you had them AND the army flying into, through, around buildings, taking chunks out of everything and everything.
Hearing Peter Cullen...ah, there was a MUCH needed tie in to the 80s. I honestly believe this movie would not have worked (or would have lost a serious credibility points for me) if he'd not been in it. He's that iconic.
Bumblebee's radio choices. :) BABY COME BACK!
The fights...oh, god, the fights. A slow opening to the movie, makes way for fights that get longer and longer each time we see one...till the entire last hour of the movie is just one gigantic battle for everything with everything and everything with more than a few kitchen sinks.
While not exactly a good, it's definately not a bad: I miss the 80s voices, but the new ones weren't bad except one:
The Bad:
Most everything else. The movie has what plagues most Summer Blockbusters - a flimsy plot, way too circumstantial coincidences, and just plain "We will explain later" moments that never get resolved. The "local kid makes good and gets the girl" plot is old and cliched. The Allspark is important...but other than turn a phone, a soda maching and an XBox into a robo, it's little more than a football prop while Shia runs around. Bumblebee doesn't talk through the whole movie, but can while pledging himself to Sam? Too convenient.
John Tuturro, an actor who is more talented than he seems, not only gets to play a one note one dimensional character, but gets peed on by a robot.
Ironhide wants to destroy everyone, including the Witwicky's dogs (:I see you have a roden infestation!") Even Prime asks "What's gotten into you?" As I was scolded by a friend, "You can't have someone being uncharacteristically something, when that's all we see from them!" (With a follow up from Futurama: "You can't just SAY how you're feeling! That makes me ANGRY!") The "You fail me again, Starscream" line goes alongside this.
Shaky camera - this fad needs to go. NOW. It's hard enough to determine which robot is which whem the camera is still, shaking it and zooming and whip panning makes it near impossible.
Jazz gets ripped at the torso and dies? And yet Frenzy gets his head split from his body and he not only lives, but keeps going for the second half of the movie? I call bullshit.
And speaking of Jazz...why was he talking like Blaster? ;)
And The Ugly:
I'm sorry - but the Transformers designs are horrible. I totally understand that keeping the old designs were not an option, as they'd look chintzy, but by going the comlpete opposite direction by over complicating them made it hard to tell who was who. Add to that the shaky camera and it became totally impossible to determine who was fighting who. When they were perfectly still, you could definately tell Jazz was Jazz, Prime was Prime. In motion, all the detail blended in with the bakgrounds - you couldn't tell where they WERE.
So there we have it - I turned my brain off and just watched to see Giant Robots Destroy Everything - and boy they did that in droves. Don't go expecting Hamlet or the 80s cartoon and it'll be fun. :)
I've heard so many reviews ranging from "Best Action Movie Ever" to "They Raped my Childhood!" Back in 1996, I had a very rude awakening with Independence Day. From that point before, I'd gone to movies and really enjoyed plots and stories and writing. Independence Day...was tripe. Pure and simple tripe. Aliens that were Mac Compatible. Stupid slogans replacing dialogue. Add to this the recent dissapointment I had when I realized the structure of how scripts get dumbed down repeatedly in movies and TVs and the Summer Blockbuster was ruined for me.
When I saw a Transformers movie was on the horizon, and it was Michael EXPLODE EVERYTHING Bay, I kinda started worrying. When it was being touted as an Action Summer Blockbuster, I got REALLY worried. Even the hiring of Peter Cullen didnt' really raise my expectations.
Now, I wasn't going around like the Comic Book Guys yelling "They raped my childhood!" or "WORST. MOVIE. EVER." without actually seeing it. Can't judge a movie till you see it, or read reviews from people you trust.
So I went to see The Transformers. I knew I wouldn't get something like 2001, or even Star Trek V. I just turned off my brain and watched:
I didn't lose any brain synapses watching it.
I didn't learn anything by it either.
It was full of cliches.
Groaner jokes.
Flimsy plot.
Plotholes everywhere.
And I absolutely adored it. :D
Cause I went to see Big Robots Trash Everything. And they did. It totally delivered on the Big Robots Trashing Everything. They trashed EVERYTHING. :D
The Good:
Shia LaBeouf was freat. He wasn't The Nerd That Got the Girl, he was The Huckster What Got Everyone On His Side. Yeah, he was still a nerd, but after three Peter Parker movies that cliche was put on it's side. I don't know how much of that was script, or how much was acting (or both), but it made for a nice change.
The little nods to fandom were great - seeing the VW Bug next to Bumblebee's Camaro, the occasional Trademarked Transformers Lines.
The desctruction and firepower of both the Army and the transformers themselves actually felt believable (minus the "EMP" style explosion that just seemed to come from the helicopter's feet). The damage also felt real. In the cartoon, you had gigantic robots fighting in the streets not leaving so much as a crack in the pavement. Here you had them AND the army flying into, through, around buildings, taking chunks out of everything and everything.
Hearing Peter Cullen...ah, there was a MUCH needed tie in to the 80s. I honestly believe this movie would not have worked (or would have lost a serious credibility points for me) if he'd not been in it. He's that iconic.
Bumblebee's radio choices. :) BABY COME BACK!
The fights...oh, god, the fights. A slow opening to the movie, makes way for fights that get longer and longer each time we see one...till the entire last hour of the movie is just one gigantic battle for everything with everything and everything with more than a few kitchen sinks.
While not exactly a good, it's definately not a bad: I miss the 80s voices, but the new ones weren't bad except one:
The Bad:
Most everything else. The movie has what plagues most Summer Blockbusters - a flimsy plot, way too circumstantial coincidences, and just plain "We will explain later" moments that never get resolved. The "local kid makes good and gets the girl" plot is old and cliched. The Allspark is important...but other than turn a phone, a soda maching and an XBox into a robo, it's little more than a football prop while Shia runs around. Bumblebee doesn't talk through the whole movie, but can while pledging himself to Sam? Too convenient.
John Tuturro, an actor who is more talented than he seems, not only gets to play a one note one dimensional character, but gets peed on by a robot.
Ironhide wants to destroy everyone, including the Witwicky's dogs (:I see you have a roden infestation!") Even Prime asks "What's gotten into you?" As I was scolded by a friend, "You can't have someone being uncharacteristically something, when that's all we see from them!" (With a follow up from Futurama: "You can't just SAY how you're feeling! That makes me ANGRY!") The "You fail me again, Starscream" line goes alongside this.
Shaky camera - this fad needs to go. NOW. It's hard enough to determine which robot is which whem the camera is still, shaking it and zooming and whip panning makes it near impossible.
Jazz gets ripped at the torso and dies? And yet Frenzy gets his head split from his body and he not only lives, but keeps going for the second half of the movie? I call bullshit.
And speaking of Jazz...why was he talking like Blaster? ;)
And The Ugly:
I'm sorry - but the Transformers designs are horrible. I totally understand that keeping the old designs were not an option, as they'd look chintzy, but by going the comlpete opposite direction by over complicating them made it hard to tell who was who. Add to that the shaky camera and it became totally impossible to determine who was fighting who. When they were perfectly still, you could definately tell Jazz was Jazz, Prime was Prime. In motion, all the detail blended in with the bakgrounds - you couldn't tell where they WERE.
So there we have it - I turned my brain off and just watched to see Giant Robots Destroy Everything - and boy they did that in droves. Don't go expecting Hamlet or the 80s cartoon and it'll be fun. :)
