dolari | George W. Bush is a Lemming. And we're all out of blockers.

I have really wierd emotional states when it comes to "media."

When I read a book, I never really get into the story...I'm alwyas reading sentences and looking at plot and structure, instead of "creating" the story the book is telling me in my head.

When I go to a movie, I'm too busy framing shots in my head, admiring effects, evalutaing the script. Again, whether it's romance, horror, comedy or whatnot, I usually walk away without much emotional investment...I walk away with a tech analysis. The only real time a movie elicted a real emotion in me was Kill Bill (Part 1, when the Bride wakes up from her coma, then fakes it only to have Buck prostitute her out, my brain just jumped in with "Oh, this is gonna be good." Part 2, Pai Mei just put the biggest grin on my face).

However, give me well written text and a chance to interact, and I'm SO there. AMFV's end can has me just feeling damned good when it's over.

And today, I experienced the opposite end of that. I was very very very into THIS game, which is a very well put together, really engaging "life simulation" in the vein of Infocom games.

Basically, I tried to go through the life I normally lived, but as a woman and got really far. I had a very loving family, I was very trustworthy and believed in justice. I wasn't very social, but I wasn't mentally unhealthy (physically is another matter).

And I really really got into this. I think it's the interactive part of these games that keeps me from stepping back and saying "Well, I would written this better, or I would done that differently." Sadly, I tend to put more emotional investment in my fictional creations than in actual people in my life.

Then I got to a question, around college that threw me for a loop. Basically "You're having serious problems at home and in school. You're not eating well, or sleeping well. You've talked to your friends, but when you do, they only counter with their own problems and dump them on you as well. You have trouble waking up in the morning. How do you feel (A) Depressed (B) Suicidal (C) Stressed (D) Hungry?" I tried to answer as truthfully as I could, and chose (B) Suicidal. When I was in that position I nearly did myself in...twice.

The simulation then asked "Do you wish to seek help" (A) YES (B) NO. I chose A.
"Who will you go to for help?" (A) Your friends (B) A Psychologist. I chose (B)

"You realize if you're truly suicidal, you can't be talked out of it, because the pain is so bad. Are you sure you're suicidal?" (A) YES (B) NO. Well I KNEW I was suicidal, so I said yes.

"**YOU ARE DEAD**" And a three paragraph spiel about how I hurt everyone because I couldn't handle the pain, and THEY'RE hurting but dealing.

Needless to say, I cried my head off. :) I spent so much time pushing and moving and getting this baby born, schooled and successful that I got her killed by misunderstnading the question. And worse, I made it a suicide.

Well, shit.

Good thing, though - I watched (literally) 10 hours of Iron Chef America (The first 5 were recording it...the second five were...well...recordin it again when the hard drive erased the file). Much happiness, although I had a serious craving for Sushi.