It looks like I'll be coming back from the convention with a job. Now if the manager would use less Darth Vaderish vocabulary. :)
A few weeks ago, I got an offer from a friend to up and pay for my surgery. This on the same day that our friends on the phone made fun of me for ten minutes. This really has thrown me into a tizzy...on one hand, I could get my surgery FINALLY...on the other, would it make a difference?
I had a very very long talk with Gwen overnight. I really needed it. Especially since, like Steph, she didn't just pick the Opposite Side and try to bully me into it like most of my Real Heart to Heart conversations usually end up becoming.
After the convention, we'll see what happens.
I think on Sunday, I'll wake up nice an early and head to Corpus Christi. They have an EXCELLENT 4th of July pyrotechnics show, and we used to go every year. We haven't gone in a while, andI think I'll go on my own...
A few weeks ago, I got an offer from a friend to up and pay for my surgery. This on the same day that our friends on the phone made fun of me for ten minutes. This really has thrown me into a tizzy...on one hand, I could get my surgery FINALLY...on the other, would it make a difference?
I had a very very long talk with Gwen overnight. I really needed it. Especially since, like Steph, she didn't just pick the Opposite Side and try to bully me into it like most of my Real Heart to Heart conversations usually end up becoming.
After the convention, we'll see what happens.
I think on Sunday, I'll wake up nice an early and head to Corpus Christi. They have an EXCELLENT 4th of July pyrotechnics show, and we used to go every year. We haven't gone in a while, andI think I'll go on my own...
So? Are you going to do it?
Date: 2004-07-01 04:52 pm (UTC)PS: I linked your blog from mine. :)
-jennconspiracy
Re: So? Are you going to do it?
Date: 2004-07-02 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 05:15 pm (UTC)What made them up and offer to pay?
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 07:34 pm (UTC)But you need to do what feels right to *you*.
Me, I've just about made up my mind to start electrolysis if a deal goes thru that will give me the money and more.
It'll make a lot of things easier for me. But anything past that I'm not at all sure about. Unlike you, I'm not even *considering* full time, much less surgery. Maybe, someday, I'll change my mind.
You have to do what's right for *you*. And if that's waiting, then that's what you do.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 09:12 pm (UTC)I lend you all the support I can muster. Of course, none of us can tell you what to do. It has to come from your heart. But I can send you all the love and positive energy to help you find what path you need.
I can say, that I have always thought of you as a girl. The way you write, and present yourself. I had to dig really deep into posts and conversations to even discover.... I can't imagine you not going through with the surgery. It is what you have wanted for so long. But I admire you for taking a step back and truly examining what it is you want, before doing anything permanent.
And as for the harassment...people are always mean. If its not my weight, its my glasses, my hair color, my goofiness, my choice in friends, etc. I have always been the butt of jokes. Its going to happen, but when you are happy with yourself (or as content as possible), it makes it easier to shrug off the inhumane humans on this planet.
::more hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-07-02 03:27 am (UTC)Either you continue with your millstone as is indefinitely, or have surgery to resolve your situation to the extent that it can be one way or another. I know of no neurosurgery that would truly make you male (or at least indifferent), though, and that's probably what it would take from what I understand.
As it is, all the important relevant centers of your brain scream FEMALE and like a high level function that relies heavily on its dependencies, you don't have much control over the situation directly nor should you be expected to be.
If you're looking for an alternative, you should be looking into something equally as drastic and even less reversible, assuming a procedure even exists.
SL
no subject
Date: 2004-07-02 08:49 pm (UTC)