(no subject)
Oct. 4th, 2011 11:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariIf you're a fan of the comics...we need to talk.
I want you all to know, I really appreciate your reading my comic. The fact that I have readers at all really amazes me, and I'm happy that my stories and scribbles are resonating with y'all.
But, at the risk of biting the hand that feeds me (and I do realize that may be the case, as you all have helped e through some hard times), I need y'all to take a step back.
Back in the 80s, I had the occasion to meet and get to know a comic artist I considered a role model. What I found was a person who used his fans as a personal cult-of-personality, chewing them up and spitting them out. That person didn't want to talk to you if you weren't praising them, and when you stopped, you were gone. This left a terrible impression on me, and I've made an effort to NOT be that person.
I've had a wonderful opportunity to tell my stories, and have people read them. I even have fans, now. I've gone out of my way to thank them for reading, appreciate them as readers, make sure I was always available to talk with them, and generally be thankful and nice. Some of these fans, through natural evolution, have become good friends. One was even my fiancee for a while. I enjoy talking with my fans, I enjoy getting to know them, and I enjoy knowing the comics mean something to these people.
However, as of late, some people have decided that my friendliness means I'm their close personal friends, or that they can advise me on what I consider are personal issues. Others simply are blunt and probing to the point of uncomfortableness. So I think it's time I laid out some helpful advice of my own:
1) Unless I've explicitly said so, or there's an obvious understanding between us, I am not your close personal friend. I am friendly, yes. I like talking and meeting people. And who knows, if something blossoms, it'll blossom. But don't assume I consider you a close personal friend. A great line someone I DO consider a close personal friend gave me back in the day, was "It's respect for the boundaries that gets you inside them." This is not a promise. It's a possibility. And it's not something that is just granted or even happens very often. It's something that is grown if the soil is fertile and the sun is bright.
2) If your first words to me are along the lines of: "Where do you live?" "How much do you make?" "Are you seeing anyone?" "Where do you work?" you're already on rocky ground. I may answer one or two of these questions. But if you continue, and you are asking way too many personal questions, nothing will shut our communication down faster. That's just freaking creepy, and I don't stand for it.
3) I complain alot, and I'm exasperated a lot. I don't complain for sympathy, I complain to get it out of my system. I don't mind unsolicited advice...sometimes it helps or opens me up to ideas I didn't have before. But if you must advise on every comment I make, or offer sympathy to every complaint I make, usually in terms of scolding a child, or (in one older case) getting angry that I wasn't listening to your awesome advice, you will be blocked and shut down. I'm 37. A grown up in most cultures. I understand the risks I take, and I understand the situations I'm in. While advice is sometimes called for, I do not need a personal advisor or a life coach.
Communication is a two way street. I like talking with my fans. But If I feel you are talking at me, instead of with me, or are forcefully crossing my personal boundaries, you'll find that street closed off.
Thanks again for reading the comics. I do appreciate you all. I hope you'll take this advice in the spirit it's offered.
I want you all to know, I really appreciate your reading my comic. The fact that I have readers at all really amazes me, and I'm happy that my stories and scribbles are resonating with y'all.
But, at the risk of biting the hand that feeds me (and I do realize that may be the case, as you all have helped e through some hard times), I need y'all to take a step back.
Back in the 80s, I had the occasion to meet and get to know a comic artist I considered a role model. What I found was a person who used his fans as a personal cult-of-personality, chewing them up and spitting them out. That person didn't want to talk to you if you weren't praising them, and when you stopped, you were gone. This left a terrible impression on me, and I've made an effort to NOT be that person.
I've had a wonderful opportunity to tell my stories, and have people read them. I even have fans, now. I've gone out of my way to thank them for reading, appreciate them as readers, make sure I was always available to talk with them, and generally be thankful and nice. Some of these fans, through natural evolution, have become good friends. One was even my fiancee for a while. I enjoy talking with my fans, I enjoy getting to know them, and I enjoy knowing the comics mean something to these people.
However, as of late, some people have decided that my friendliness means I'm their close personal friends, or that they can advise me on what I consider are personal issues. Others simply are blunt and probing to the point of uncomfortableness. So I think it's time I laid out some helpful advice of my own:
1) Unless I've explicitly said so, or there's an obvious understanding between us, I am not your close personal friend. I am friendly, yes. I like talking and meeting people. And who knows, if something blossoms, it'll blossom. But don't assume I consider you a close personal friend. A great line someone I DO consider a close personal friend gave me back in the day, was "It's respect for the boundaries that gets you inside them." This is not a promise. It's a possibility. And it's not something that is just granted or even happens very often. It's something that is grown if the soil is fertile and the sun is bright.
2) If your first words to me are along the lines of: "Where do you live?" "How much do you make?" "Are you seeing anyone?" "Where do you work?" you're already on rocky ground. I may answer one or two of these questions. But if you continue, and you are asking way too many personal questions, nothing will shut our communication down faster. That's just freaking creepy, and I don't stand for it.
3) I complain alot, and I'm exasperated a lot. I don't complain for sympathy, I complain to get it out of my system. I don't mind unsolicited advice...sometimes it helps or opens me up to ideas I didn't have before. But if you must advise on every comment I make, or offer sympathy to every complaint I make, usually in terms of scolding a child, or (in one older case) getting angry that I wasn't listening to your awesome advice, you will be blocked and shut down. I'm 37. A grown up in most cultures. I understand the risks I take, and I understand the situations I'm in. While advice is sometimes called for, I do not need a personal advisor or a life coach.
Communication is a two way street. I like talking with my fans. But If I feel you are talking at me, instead of with me, or are forcefully crossing my personal boundaries, you'll find that street closed off.
Thanks again for reading the comics. I do appreciate you all. I hope you'll take this advice in the spirit it's offered.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-10-05 10:04 am (UTC)That's probably not healthy.
What makes things more entertaining is that I work with somebody who interprets any comment as a complaint. "This is going to be difficult because of X and Y, so I'm going to need to check on Z before I start." "If you're going to bitch about it then I'll do it." " WTF???"
no subject
Date: 2011-10-05 07:38 pm (UTC)I'm angling to extend my childhood as long as possible, you see.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-06 09:04 am (UTC)