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dolariComing Out to the Family -or- The Best Weekend Ever - Part 2
Cousin #1 did tell me why she was worried about the letters, but I was just buzzing so hard on the fact that one of my cousins called at all, that I didn't hear anything but "Don't send the letters."
She'd said she would call me back sometime today to talk about the letter. I spent most of the day in a state of worry. And the whole "OMGOMGOMG SHE CALLED ME BY MY NAME" thing had me a little distracted. She finally called later that evening, and before answering, I took a deep breath, went outside into the back yard and laid down on the rocking swing. And we talked. For a long long long time.
There was a lot of education on the different segments of being transgender, such as the differences bettween transsexuals, crossdressers, transvestites and so on. There were a lot of bra jokes from that ("a crossdresser can't wait to get home from work and put on a bra, a transsexual can't wait to get home from work and take her's off). It was a long and involved, but very good and educational call. For her and me.
Something I'd never taken into consideration was that my extended family is incredibly close-knit and tight. And it was because of that, my mother's early interference, and the agreement I'd made with my dad that I wouldn't tell anyone until my grandmother died that made it impossible to transition around my family. So I moved away to be with Dean, and move on with my transition. But the cousin (and another, I later found out) believed I'd abandonned them and the family. They were angry about that, and felt betrayed. The second cousin actually mentioned that while I was coming back, I was a stranger to her because I'd been gone so long.
That hurt, because I thought of them constantly. I have a picture of my entire (and I mean entire) extended family sitting over my headboard at home. I'd thought about them constantly. But, they were right. I'd been away, and quite possibly too long. I explained my reasons for moving to Pennsylvania and then later Seattle. And Cousin #1 was okay with it. She still felt hurt by me leaving, but understood it at least now.
As the two hour call wrapped up, she began talking about organizing the next coming out. I found out the reason she didn't want any letters sent was that it was just one cousin who'd recently just had an accident and her mother being sick. She didn't want the added stress of this on everyone over there.
We decided it was time to tell my uncle who'd just seen me. And my cousibn wanted to be there to help facillitate the meeting. I agreed, and decided we'd see them all tomorrow. ::gulp::
Just as the call ended, I went upstairs where I heard my mom ask me "Do you think this blouse is too loud?" It was a purple and white silkish affair that looked more at home with the 80s than the 2010s...but the 80s are coming back, so I said it wasn't. "You want this? It doesn't fit anymore." That...shocked me. She'd never given me one of her tops before. I took it. Fits a little big, but, holy cow, talk about progress...
I woke up the next morning, and Mom wanted to know what my cousin wanted. I mentioned I had come out to her and we were going to talk to our uncle. There was a bit of a talk about that, but in general, good. Which other cousins and uncles would be good to come out to. There was a moment, though, where there were some tears. Mom misses her son. A lot. She was afraid I'd ask her to take down her old pictures of me, or demand to be called my new name. I told her she could keep them up, and while I prefer my new name - she grew up with my old name. I would be understanding, but only to a point: publicly, I want her using my new name - I get enough funny looks as it is.
She asked if dad knew I was coming out. I said no.
Dad has been one of my earliest supporters. He was happy that Iw as happy, and saw definite changes for the better as I transitioned, but he also was incredibly embarrassed by it. When my grandmother died, I mentioned the possibility of coming out to the family, and he became red-faced in embarassment. I didn't push the point.
Since I was striking while the iron was hot, I took it on myself to go over their heads about this. I wasn't going to tell dad, because he would say "No." Something mom agreed he would do. I did tell her it wasn't as secret, though - if she wanted to tell him, please do. But I was going to start the ball rolling myself, and tell him once the cat was out of the bag.
I drove off to a meeting with the uncle....
Cousin #1 did tell me why she was worried about the letters, but I was just buzzing so hard on the fact that one of my cousins called at all, that I didn't hear anything but "Don't send the letters."
She'd said she would call me back sometime today to talk about the letter. I spent most of the day in a state of worry. And the whole "OMGOMGOMG SHE CALLED ME BY MY NAME" thing had me a little distracted. She finally called later that evening, and before answering, I took a deep breath, went outside into the back yard and laid down on the rocking swing. And we talked. For a long long long time.
There was a lot of education on the different segments of being transgender, such as the differences bettween transsexuals, crossdressers, transvestites and so on. There were a lot of bra jokes from that ("a crossdresser can't wait to get home from work and put on a bra, a transsexual can't wait to get home from work and take her's off). It was a long and involved, but very good and educational call. For her and me.
Something I'd never taken into consideration was that my extended family is incredibly close-knit and tight. And it was because of that, my mother's early interference, and the agreement I'd made with my dad that I wouldn't tell anyone until my grandmother died that made it impossible to transition around my family. So I moved away to be with Dean, and move on with my transition. But the cousin (and another, I later found out) believed I'd abandonned them and the family. They were angry about that, and felt betrayed. The second cousin actually mentioned that while I was coming back, I was a stranger to her because I'd been gone so long.
That hurt, because I thought of them constantly. I have a picture of my entire (and I mean entire) extended family sitting over my headboard at home. I'd thought about them constantly. But, they were right. I'd been away, and quite possibly too long. I explained my reasons for moving to Pennsylvania and then later Seattle. And Cousin #1 was okay with it. She still felt hurt by me leaving, but understood it at least now.
As the two hour call wrapped up, she began talking about organizing the next coming out. I found out the reason she didn't want any letters sent was that it was just one cousin who'd recently just had an accident and her mother being sick. She didn't want the added stress of this on everyone over there.
We decided it was time to tell my uncle who'd just seen me. And my cousibn wanted to be there to help facillitate the meeting. I agreed, and decided we'd see them all tomorrow. ::gulp::
Just as the call ended, I went upstairs where I heard my mom ask me "Do you think this blouse is too loud?" It was a purple and white silkish affair that looked more at home with the 80s than the 2010s...but the 80s are coming back, so I said it wasn't. "You want this? It doesn't fit anymore." That...shocked me. She'd never given me one of her tops before. I took it. Fits a little big, but, holy cow, talk about progress...
I woke up the next morning, and Mom wanted to know what my cousin wanted. I mentioned I had come out to her and we were going to talk to our uncle. There was a bit of a talk about that, but in general, good. Which other cousins and uncles would be good to come out to. There was a moment, though, where there were some tears. Mom misses her son. A lot. She was afraid I'd ask her to take down her old pictures of me, or demand to be called my new name. I told her she could keep them up, and while I prefer my new name - she grew up with my old name. I would be understanding, but only to a point: publicly, I want her using my new name - I get enough funny looks as it is.
She asked if dad knew I was coming out. I said no.
Dad has been one of my earliest supporters. He was happy that Iw as happy, and saw definite changes for the better as I transitioned, but he also was incredibly embarrassed by it. When my grandmother died, I mentioned the possibility of coming out to the family, and he became red-faced in embarassment. I didn't push the point.
Since I was striking while the iron was hot, I took it on myself to go over their heads about this. I wasn't going to tell dad, because he would say "No." Something mom agreed he would do. I did tell her it wasn't as secret, though - if she wanted to tell him, please do. But I was going to start the ball rolling myself, and tell him once the cat was out of the bag.
I drove off to a meeting with the uncle....
