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dolariComing Out to the Family -or- The Best Weekend Ever - Part 3
I made to leave about noon, but it turned out my uncle wouldn't be home until 2. So I drove around town, catching up on some of my old haunts and parks. Come 1:30, I grabbed some lunch and left to his house. Just outside of his subdivsion, I stopped and gathered my thoughts. Thought about what Iw as gonna say and how I was gonna say it.
When it's time to do some kind of public speaking, I have to sit and get myself in a mood and mindset. You have to expect the unexpected, make sure you answer thoughtfully and truthfully, but do it on the fly. Not doing this leads to disastrously embarrassing results.
When I went to Trinoc, I spoke at length at the last minute on a sci-fi subject because the original panelists had dissapeared. But I was in the mindset already, so I could just do my panel just fine. At a Day of Remembrance vigil, however, I kept to the background and someone recognized me, and asked me to say a few words. I turned a solemn event into a laugh riot as I sat there going "I AM TEH WEBCOMICS THINGY AND MY FAVORITE HORSEY IS FLUTTERSHY. OH, DOR IS SAD."
I didn't need my first impression as a woman, to my cousin and my aunt and uncle, to be one where I babbled about how much I like Kirk over Picard. So I got into activist mode, and made my way towards the house.
I love my uncle, but he loves his lectures. I'd expected a lecture, over how this would screw up, or had screwed up my life, both in past or in the future...and I didn't get it. Instead, what I got was an uncle who had concerns, but was open and willing to listen and understand. He was upset that I didn't tell anyone sooner, but also felt that it wasn't a bad thing, as he may not have accepted this twenty years ago, or even ten.
We began talking about other family members we should come out to, and that they had my back with anyone who gave me any trouble in the family. There was also talk if I knew anyone else in the family was gay or transgendered, and I told him I didn't know of anyone. There were rumours of certain cousins who were GLBT, but no one was sure. So I said that if they ever saw any of them, and they wanted to come out of the closet but were afraid, to call me, since I would be coming out to everyone soon.
It was a powerfully emotional couple of hours, as I explained my reasonings for transitioning, and answered their questioning. And even got a third person's persepctive on my mothers fights with me growing up that I'd never considered. A good sign you're educating someone well is when you learn something yourself.
Eventually, after an hour or so, the tension broke and we had a good afternoon of getting to reacquaint ourselves with each other. And my new name even became a bit of a running gag, as mny uncle kept calling me my old name, which my aunt and cousin playfully snapped at him about. It went much better than I'd ever hoped, and was truly the moment I felt like I'd been welcomed back into the family. Basically, I took this as a sign that my "test case" family was alright and that it was time to go completely public.
I finished the evening hitting all the old haunts I'd missed earlier in the da, and came home. Mom asked about how the meeting went, and I told her it went well. That's when she laid the bombshell on me. She told dad I was coming out to people. That wasn't the bombshell, though. His response was the bombshell. "Tell him he can go ahead and start telling my side of the family, too." I was just in shock. The one man I thought wouldn't want me to do it because he was embarassed said "All Systems Go."
I sent out 20 letters that nigh via Facebook.
I made to leave about noon, but it turned out my uncle wouldn't be home until 2. So I drove around town, catching up on some of my old haunts and parks. Come 1:30, I grabbed some lunch and left to his house. Just outside of his subdivsion, I stopped and gathered my thoughts. Thought about what Iw as gonna say and how I was gonna say it.
When it's time to do some kind of public speaking, I have to sit and get myself in a mood and mindset. You have to expect the unexpected, make sure you answer thoughtfully and truthfully, but do it on the fly. Not doing this leads to disastrously embarrassing results.
When I went to Trinoc, I spoke at length at the last minute on a sci-fi subject because the original panelists had dissapeared. But I was in the mindset already, so I could just do my panel just fine. At a Day of Remembrance vigil, however, I kept to the background and someone recognized me, and asked me to say a few words. I turned a solemn event into a laugh riot as I sat there going "I AM TEH WEBCOMICS THINGY AND MY FAVORITE HORSEY IS FLUTTERSHY. OH, DOR IS SAD."
I didn't need my first impression as a woman, to my cousin and my aunt and uncle, to be one where I babbled about how much I like Kirk over Picard. So I got into activist mode, and made my way towards the house.
I love my uncle, but he loves his lectures. I'd expected a lecture, over how this would screw up, or had screwed up my life, both in past or in the future...and I didn't get it. Instead, what I got was an uncle who had concerns, but was open and willing to listen and understand. He was upset that I didn't tell anyone sooner, but also felt that it wasn't a bad thing, as he may not have accepted this twenty years ago, or even ten.
We began talking about other family members we should come out to, and that they had my back with anyone who gave me any trouble in the family. There was also talk if I knew anyone else in the family was gay or transgendered, and I told him I didn't know of anyone. There were rumours of certain cousins who were GLBT, but no one was sure. So I said that if they ever saw any of them, and they wanted to come out of the closet but were afraid, to call me, since I would be coming out to everyone soon.
It was a powerfully emotional couple of hours, as I explained my reasonings for transitioning, and answered their questioning. And even got a third person's persepctive on my mothers fights with me growing up that I'd never considered. A good sign you're educating someone well is when you learn something yourself.
Eventually, after an hour or so, the tension broke and we had a good afternoon of getting to reacquaint ourselves with each other. And my new name even became a bit of a running gag, as mny uncle kept calling me my old name, which my aunt and cousin playfully snapped at him about. It went much better than I'd ever hoped, and was truly the moment I felt like I'd been welcomed back into the family. Basically, I took this as a sign that my "test case" family was alright and that it was time to go completely public.
I finished the evening hitting all the old haunts I'd missed earlier in the da, and came home. Mom asked about how the meeting went, and I told her it went well. That's when she laid the bombshell on me. She told dad I was coming out to people. That wasn't the bombshell, though. His response was the bombshell. "Tell him he can go ahead and start telling my side of the family, too." I was just in shock. The one man I thought wouldn't want me to do it because he was embarassed said "All Systems Go."
I sent out 20 letters that nigh via Facebook.
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Date: 2011-11-22 05:01 am (UTC)This is coming from someone who's been out to zer family for a few years now, and has had a similar range of generally-positive experiences -- harshest being my niece, who was upset that I seemed to think there was the remotest chance she wouldn't welcome me as her "beautiful auntie." That your story moves me so causes me to re-examine mine and ask myself if it's worth sharing in a similar way.
Thank you for sharing your joy, Jenn.