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Nov. 1st, 2012 08:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariStar Trek: Phase II
"In Thy Image" (Story Treatment)
by Alan Dean Foster
Review 1 of 2!
Synopsis: The first of many different drafts that would become Star Trek: The Motion Picture. A large object heads for Earth, intent on eradicating humans from the home planet of it's creator, the Great God N'sa. The Enterprise intercepts, but is in for an adventure as they both catapult towards Earth. (For a more detailed synopsis, along with comparisons to the first real screenplay of "In Thy Image" and "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" check out this link: http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2705293.html )
Being a story treatment, this is akin to someone writing down some notes to be expanded on later, or fleshed out. There's no real attempt to address problematic plot holes, or explain why things are the way they are. The important thing is to get the story down on paper and fix it later.
The Good:
*The story goes right into the action. As just another episode of a future Star Trek series, it dispensed with the idea of showing the Enterprise being refitted, or reacquiring the crew of the ship. It starts with Starbase 14 monitoring a great big something heading for Earth, and the Enterprise being sent right on its way.
*Once there, the ship gets in contact with "the Wan" (the meteor which would eventually become V'Ger in later drafts), and gets a mind of it's own. In one instance it even says it won't carry out a command because "It is not for the greater glory of the N'sa." It really does appear that not only is the Enterprise it's own fully formed character, it really is mutinying.
*In the motion picture, we're shown the machine planet that V'Ger is coming from, but not much more. The treatment goes into much more detail, about a planet with dense cloud cover which keeps the machine inhabotants from seeing the sky. It's N'sa that gives them a view of the universe, which is why it's important to them.
* N'sa, by the way, is Pioneer 10. I love that they used an existing ship, and not Voyager 18/Voyager 6.
* Lt Vulcan and the Enterprise computer trick the Wan into beaming over a duplicate Lt Vulcan with a photon bomb. While this wasn't very good, I liked that the Wan decide that they've been bested, not by the bomb, but because the Enterprise computer can lie to them on orders. Even the Wan can't do that.
The Bad:
*The crew is apparently itching for a fight. Kirk immediately fires on the meteor on first sight without really trying to figure out what it is, even after "Lt. Vulcan" realizes it's not any ordinary meteor. About midway, the Wan sends over several probes to examine the ship, which leads to a firefight on the bridge right away.
*The meteor/ship directly addresses the crew in a loud booming voice. I prefer the faceless Vejur/V'ger whose only point of contact was Tasha/The Ilia Probe. It made it much more mysterious and hard to comprehend. Even more so when the TMP Ilia Probe wasn't being more forthcoming.
*After the first probe invasion is dealt with, the Wan begins sending over deadly animals to kill the crew, such as bees filled with cobra venom, or tiger. I found that a bit silly, and so did others, as it was obviously taken out of later versions.
*Not so much bad, as just kind of funny: Once Kirk, Lt Vulcan, McCoy and Commander are beamed over, and the body of the great N'sa is brought out in a cart pushed by a duplcate Sulu, complete with electronic fanfare. Funny imagery, although if it was pulled off just right....
The Ugly:
*The Enterprise can apparently make duplicate members of the crew (in this case, "Lt. Vulcan"), so perfect no one knows the difference, including the advanced technology of the Wan. This just feels like a big no-no. In the original series, even the advanced androids from I, Mudd were pretty easy to spot, and weren't all that advanced when we got down to it. This was ten years later, I don't think the Federation would have cranked up the technology that quickly.
The New Kids: This is so early in the Star Trek Phase II timeline that there's no Ilia mentioned at all. Decker is mentioned, but nameless, going by "Commander." Xon also has no name, and is labelled "Lt Vulcan" through the whole treatment. Names aside, the two actually have a lot to do, and in general, this draft gives most everyone a little screen time. Commander is the one who determines the ship is Pioneer 10 by supplicating himself to it so he can have a closer look. Lt Vulcan has a whole subplot of realizing the Wan was going to start sending duplicates of the crew over, and creating a duplicate of himself first, to have it and a bomb inserted on the Wan ship.
Fave lines:
"The object is a gigantic chrome-and-silver construction of multiple spires locked together, like crystals of polished stibnite (antimony). The general effect is of some monstrous cathedral lying on it's side. Against that gleaming leviathan the Enterprise is a tiny whitish shape."
The Enterprise computer refuses a direct order for self destruct: "'I have been ordered not to allow self-destruction.' Why not? 'It would not be to the greater glory of the great god N'sa.'"
"The reports, from Sick Bay, and a frantic McCoy, are absurd: crewmembers attacked by army ants, alligators, eagles, lions...two by an elephant!"
"To Kirk he explains that the bees were not loaded with bee poison, but cobra venom!"
"'Blasphemy! To imply that soft organic limbs created N'sa!'"
Don't mince words, Bones - what do you really think: This very much feels like an episode of the original 60s Trek, which, to be fair, was what they were aiming for. The disembodied voice of the Wan could have been one of many disembodied voices...Sargon, the Charlie X Aliens, the Guardian of Forever. Lt Vulcan does the old TOS "Talk the computer to death" routine, except it doesn't kill it. And while the ending seems very simple once you look at what the Wan considered its defeat, you realize there was something deeper there. In all, if it was filmed as is, it would have made a fairly respectable episode of TOS.
"In Thy Image" (Story Treatment)
by Alan Dean Foster
Review 1 of 2!
Synopsis: The first of many different drafts that would become Star Trek: The Motion Picture. A large object heads for Earth, intent on eradicating humans from the home planet of it's creator, the Great God N'sa. The Enterprise intercepts, but is in for an adventure as they both catapult towards Earth. (For a more detailed synopsis, along with comparisons to the first real screenplay of "In Thy Image" and "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" check out this link: http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2705293.html )
Being a story treatment, this is akin to someone writing down some notes to be expanded on later, or fleshed out. There's no real attempt to address problematic plot holes, or explain why things are the way they are. The important thing is to get the story down on paper and fix it later.
The Good:
*The story goes right into the action. As just another episode of a future Star Trek series, it dispensed with the idea of showing the Enterprise being refitted, or reacquiring the crew of the ship. It starts with Starbase 14 monitoring a great big something heading for Earth, and the Enterprise being sent right on its way.
*Once there, the ship gets in contact with "the Wan" (the meteor which would eventually become V'Ger in later drafts), and gets a mind of it's own. In one instance it even says it won't carry out a command because "It is not for the greater glory of the N'sa." It really does appear that not only is the Enterprise it's own fully formed character, it really is mutinying.
*In the motion picture, we're shown the machine planet that V'Ger is coming from, but not much more. The treatment goes into much more detail, about a planet with dense cloud cover which keeps the machine inhabotants from seeing the sky. It's N'sa that gives them a view of the universe, which is why it's important to them.
* N'sa, by the way, is Pioneer 10. I love that they used an existing ship, and not Voyager 18/Voyager 6.
* Lt Vulcan and the Enterprise computer trick the Wan into beaming over a duplicate Lt Vulcan with a photon bomb. While this wasn't very good, I liked that the Wan decide that they've been bested, not by the bomb, but because the Enterprise computer can lie to them on orders. Even the Wan can't do that.
The Bad:
*The crew is apparently itching for a fight. Kirk immediately fires on the meteor on first sight without really trying to figure out what it is, even after "Lt. Vulcan" realizes it's not any ordinary meteor. About midway, the Wan sends over several probes to examine the ship, which leads to a firefight on the bridge right away.
*The meteor/ship directly addresses the crew in a loud booming voice. I prefer the faceless Vejur/V'ger whose only point of contact was Tasha/The Ilia Probe. It made it much more mysterious and hard to comprehend. Even more so when the TMP Ilia Probe wasn't being more forthcoming.
*After the first probe invasion is dealt with, the Wan begins sending over deadly animals to kill the crew, such as bees filled with cobra venom, or tiger. I found that a bit silly, and so did others, as it was obviously taken out of later versions.
*Not so much bad, as just kind of funny: Once Kirk, Lt Vulcan, McCoy and Commander are beamed over, and the body of the great N'sa is brought out in a cart pushed by a duplcate Sulu, complete with electronic fanfare. Funny imagery, although if it was pulled off just right....
The Ugly:
*The Enterprise can apparently make duplicate members of the crew (in this case, "Lt. Vulcan"), so perfect no one knows the difference, including the advanced technology of the Wan. This just feels like a big no-no. In the original series, even the advanced androids from I, Mudd were pretty easy to spot, and weren't all that advanced when we got down to it. This was ten years later, I don't think the Federation would have cranked up the technology that quickly.
The New Kids: This is so early in the Star Trek Phase II timeline that there's no Ilia mentioned at all. Decker is mentioned, but nameless, going by "Commander." Xon also has no name, and is labelled "Lt Vulcan" through the whole treatment. Names aside, the two actually have a lot to do, and in general, this draft gives most everyone a little screen time. Commander is the one who determines the ship is Pioneer 10 by supplicating himself to it so he can have a closer look. Lt Vulcan has a whole subplot of realizing the Wan was going to start sending duplicates of the crew over, and creating a duplicate of himself first, to have it and a bomb inserted on the Wan ship.
Fave lines:
"The object is a gigantic chrome-and-silver construction of multiple spires locked together, like crystals of polished stibnite (antimony). The general effect is of some monstrous cathedral lying on it's side. Against that gleaming leviathan the Enterprise is a tiny whitish shape."
The Enterprise computer refuses a direct order for self destruct: "'I have been ordered not to allow self-destruction.' Why not? 'It would not be to the greater glory of the great god N'sa.'"
"The reports, from Sick Bay, and a frantic McCoy, are absurd: crewmembers attacked by army ants, alligators, eagles, lions...two by an elephant!"
"To Kirk he explains that the bees were not loaded with bee poison, but cobra venom!"
"'Blasphemy! To imply that soft organic limbs created N'sa!'"
Don't mince words, Bones - what do you really think: This very much feels like an episode of the original 60s Trek, which, to be fair, was what they were aiming for. The disembodied voice of the Wan could have been one of many disembodied voices...Sargon, the Charlie X Aliens, the Guardian of Forever. Lt Vulcan does the old TOS "Talk the computer to death" routine, except it doesn't kill it. And while the ending seems very simple once you look at what the Wan considered its defeat, you realize there was something deeper there. In all, if it was filmed as is, it would have made a fairly respectable episode of TOS.
