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Jul. 25th, 2013 03:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariWwhen I got back home to Texas, I was ecstatic to be back. I was much happier and cheerful and glad to be home. But as I told a friend who said "You sound so happy" I warned her: "This is the homesickness being cured. Ask me again in six months."
It's been about four months since I left Seattle...and I knew this day would come. But, I was ready for it, and prepared. The day it wore off. Not that I'm sad, absolutely not. It's more of the reality has set in. "I'm home, and this is home, and I'll be here a while, and what's next? And what about that place you just left? How do you feel about it now?"
In general, I'm happy that I moved, but I'm more cognizant of what I left behind. And a bit more levelheaded about it. I am happy to be away from Seattle. I couldn't mesh with the culture, I had problems relating to attitudes and, while in the end, I understood the aloofness of the Seattle Freeze, I never actually got used to it. had I stayed, I'd always be an outside, alone in the crowd.
But there are things I miss. Good lord, I miss the scenery. I'll be driving around Austin, and catch a glimpse of Mt Ranier or Mt Baker...and then realize it's just a cloud bank I caught out of the corner of my eye. I miss the mistiness of the winter months (I've always loved cold grey misty weather, and we got that in buckets). A drive into the Texas Hill Country is lovely, but a drive into the logging roads of Washington was bliss.
I miss Nintendo...one of the few jobs I genuinely enjoyed. Before Nintendo, a job offer was a job offer. Get paid to do some mindless work for eight hours so you can keep a roof over your head while you write and draw. Even jobs I liked, like DNP, were secondary to my creativity. Nintendo was the first to really push that boundary. I think a lot of my lack of excitement over job prospects is that they're not Nintendo.
But the one thing I miss most...are my Seattle family. Towards the end of my time there, there were a few options open to me. One being that when we'd lose the house, I could move in with Crystal and Lissa for a modest rent in Duvall. At that point, I'd been living with roomates for just under five years. I wanted my independence back, to live alone. I tried to make it work with Nintendo and being alone, and couldn't. And if I couldn't live alone, I was going home where I could. Now that I'm back in Texas, I have that independence...I've actually been in this (fairly big) house three of those four months, almost completely alone. I'll go days without seeing anyone. What I'm realizing though, is that it wasn't independence I missed...I actually HAD that with Crystal and Lissa. Yes, they were constant companions and roomies...but if I wanted my independence, I had it. We had almost no real obligations to each other other than pay your bills and just be a happy family. And I think we were, for the most part.
I have tons of friends in Austin. And am making new ones all the time. But, iIn the end, it's the closeness I miss the most. My friends in Seattle weren't just friends, they were my family. And a good family. And I think I miss that the most.
I've come to the conclusion far too late that Lissa, Crys, Liz, Morgan, Kevin, Jamie and Naomi were far more important to me than Texas. Don't get me wrong - I love being in Austin and will not be moving out of state ever again...but in the end, if I knew then what I know now, how I HAD my independence, and solitude is overrated...I probably would have answered Crys and Lissa's offer differently, and stayed at Nintendo and with them.
Do I regret my move? No. But that doesn't mean I don't miss the people and things that made Seattle worthwhile.
Still...the future lies this way....
It's been about four months since I left Seattle...and I knew this day would come. But, I was ready for it, and prepared. The day it wore off. Not that I'm sad, absolutely not. It's more of the reality has set in. "I'm home, and this is home, and I'll be here a while, and what's next? And what about that place you just left? How do you feel about it now?"
In general, I'm happy that I moved, but I'm more cognizant of what I left behind. And a bit more levelheaded about it. I am happy to be away from Seattle. I couldn't mesh with the culture, I had problems relating to attitudes and, while in the end, I understood the aloofness of the Seattle Freeze, I never actually got used to it. had I stayed, I'd always be an outside, alone in the crowd.
But there are things I miss. Good lord, I miss the scenery. I'll be driving around Austin, and catch a glimpse of Mt Ranier or Mt Baker...and then realize it's just a cloud bank I caught out of the corner of my eye. I miss the mistiness of the winter months (I've always loved cold grey misty weather, and we got that in buckets). A drive into the Texas Hill Country is lovely, but a drive into the logging roads of Washington was bliss.
I miss Nintendo...one of the few jobs I genuinely enjoyed. Before Nintendo, a job offer was a job offer. Get paid to do some mindless work for eight hours so you can keep a roof over your head while you write and draw. Even jobs I liked, like DNP, were secondary to my creativity. Nintendo was the first to really push that boundary. I think a lot of my lack of excitement over job prospects is that they're not Nintendo.
But the one thing I miss most...are my Seattle family. Towards the end of my time there, there were a few options open to me. One being that when we'd lose the house, I could move in with Crystal and Lissa for a modest rent in Duvall. At that point, I'd been living with roomates for just under five years. I wanted my independence back, to live alone. I tried to make it work with Nintendo and being alone, and couldn't. And if I couldn't live alone, I was going home where I could. Now that I'm back in Texas, I have that independence...I've actually been in this (fairly big) house three of those four months, almost completely alone. I'll go days without seeing anyone. What I'm realizing though, is that it wasn't independence I missed...I actually HAD that with Crystal and Lissa. Yes, they were constant companions and roomies...but if I wanted my independence, I had it. We had almost no real obligations to each other other than pay your bills and just be a happy family. And I think we were, for the most part.
I have tons of friends in Austin. And am making new ones all the time. But, iIn the end, it's the closeness I miss the most. My friends in Seattle weren't just friends, they were my family. And a good family. And I think I miss that the most.
I've come to the conclusion far too late that Lissa, Crys, Liz, Morgan, Kevin, Jamie and Naomi were far more important to me than Texas. Don't get me wrong - I love being in Austin and will not be moving out of state ever again...but in the end, if I knew then what I know now, how I HAD my independence, and solitude is overrated...I probably would have answered Crys and Lissa's offer differently, and stayed at Nintendo and with them.
Do I regret my move? No. But that doesn't mean I don't miss the people and things that made Seattle worthwhile.
Still...the future lies this way....
