![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariWhy Jenn Does Her Best to Not Get Involved Anymore:
1) My first love was when I was 16, when another girl in the neighborhood decided she had a crush on me. I decided to pursue it. Three weeks later I was told she was 13. This landed me in SERIOUS hotwater. I had no idea she was that young, she had always told me she was 16. Thankfully no one thought to press charges (I had been smacked around enough on this one).
2) My second love was when I was 16 (again), this time with another girl who was 16. We hit it off very well, we were good good friends, too for about a year. After I told her I loved her, she laughed in my face and dropped off the face of the earth.
3) My third love was at 17, a girl who for some reason was attracted to me. Again, she was wonderful and nice and had a bit of dominant streak in her. After about three or four weeks, she declared she loved me. It lasted all of a few days. What ended it? After a rather embarassing incident, I found out it was all a wonderful joke some jerks were using to embarass the hell out of me.
4) My fourth love (and my final declared love at 18) was for a wonderfully nice and beautiful girl, who, in another lifetime, we prolly would have been happily married. We were literally soulmates, bound at the hip, Then, when she turned 16, her mother abandonned her (again) she dropped out of school and basically did some nasty stuff to survive. I tried to help her as best I could, but instead of getting her out of the gutter, she began to dig further into it. We kept in touch for a while....
5) My fifth love was a highschool friend who I shared everything with. By this time, I'd had enough "love" to last me a lifetime and was just not allowing myself to fall in love ever again. I never realized that I had fallen head over heels for her until she married another man. We keep in touch, very much so. Her family and I are very good to each other, and (because I regretted not saying anything before) I tell her I love her every time we talk.
6) My next love was for someone I never even met until years after we began talking. I never told her I loved her, and, like most relationships that just meander along, we lost touch until recently. We're still friends, now.
7) My final love is for Dean. This was the only real love I ever pursued and came out well. And even then, it didn't. By now, five years had passed and I had been alone and comfortable all those years. When we met online, we clicked. I told him I loved him on the phone August 25th. He said it right back. He took me in when things looked the worst. And we worked out together for many years. I loved him, and for once, it was really being returned. It was a a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately, my time being alone made me very selfish, and I would leave him out of a lot of stuff, or would spend lots of time alone when he wanted to be loved. He managed to find his cuddle elsewhere (with my blessing) and a few months later, we dissolved our relationship on good grounds. I wasn't treating him right, he was going elsewhere. I still love the big lug, and we're still together and best friends in a brother-sister relationship.
There have been a few people since Dean I've fallen for. I've tried my best to not show it, because it'll only end badly. But that isn't to say the love isn't there. There's an 8th and 9th out there who'll never know I love them. Because if I told them, I'd lose them. And like my fifth, I would rather have them be friends forever than lose them over those three words.
Now don't think this is a pity post, it's not. I do ocasionally get lonely, yes. Like the other day. But my true love, that I found again three years ago after a very long absence during a deep despair, keeps me busy. :)
1) My first love was when I was 16, when another girl in the neighborhood decided she had a crush on me. I decided to pursue it. Three weeks later I was told she was 13. This landed me in SERIOUS hotwater. I had no idea she was that young, she had always told me she was 16. Thankfully no one thought to press charges (I had been smacked around enough on this one).
2) My second love was when I was 16 (again), this time with another girl who was 16. We hit it off very well, we were good good friends, too for about a year. After I told her I loved her, she laughed in my face and dropped off the face of the earth.
3) My third love was at 17, a girl who for some reason was attracted to me. Again, she was wonderful and nice and had a bit of dominant streak in her. After about three or four weeks, she declared she loved me. It lasted all of a few days. What ended it? After a rather embarassing incident, I found out it was all a wonderful joke some jerks were using to embarass the hell out of me.
4) My fourth love (and my final declared love at 18) was for a wonderfully nice and beautiful girl, who, in another lifetime, we prolly would have been happily married. We were literally soulmates, bound at the hip, Then, when she turned 16, her mother abandonned her (again) she dropped out of school and basically did some nasty stuff to survive. I tried to help her as best I could, but instead of getting her out of the gutter, she began to dig further into it. We kept in touch for a while....
5) My fifth love was a highschool friend who I shared everything with. By this time, I'd had enough "love" to last me a lifetime and was just not allowing myself to fall in love ever again. I never realized that I had fallen head over heels for her until she married another man. We keep in touch, very much so. Her family and I are very good to each other, and (because I regretted not saying anything before) I tell her I love her every time we talk.
6) My next love was for someone I never even met until years after we began talking. I never told her I loved her, and, like most relationships that just meander along, we lost touch until recently. We're still friends, now.
7) My final love is for Dean. This was the only real love I ever pursued and came out well. And even then, it didn't. By now, five years had passed and I had been alone and comfortable all those years. When we met online, we clicked. I told him I loved him on the phone August 25th. He said it right back. He took me in when things looked the worst. And we worked out together for many years. I loved him, and for once, it was really being returned. It was a a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately, my time being alone made me very selfish, and I would leave him out of a lot of stuff, or would spend lots of time alone when he wanted to be loved. He managed to find his cuddle elsewhere (with my blessing) and a few months later, we dissolved our relationship on good grounds. I wasn't treating him right, he was going elsewhere. I still love the big lug, and we're still together and best friends in a brother-sister relationship.
There have been a few people since Dean I've fallen for. I've tried my best to not show it, because it'll only end badly. But that isn't to say the love isn't there. There's an 8th and 9th out there who'll never know I love them. Because if I told them, I'd lose them. And like my fifth, I would rather have them be friends forever than lose them over those three words.
Now don't think this is a pity post, it's not. I do ocasionally get lonely, yes. Like the other day. But my true love, that I found again three years ago after a very long absence during a deep despair, keeps me busy. :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Admittedly, that's not what went wrong the last time. Last one I met from a dating site. She was a shockingly close match. Then it reached a point where I had to fess up about my health and financial situation (lying is something I'm not going to even consider, so when it came up I answered truthfully). It rapidly deteriorated from there. The dating site has since gone from free to $30 and the quality of matches on it went from a few hopefuls to not even close. I joined the exodus and haven't gone to a dating site since -- I'm doubtful I'd find another as well suited for rare personality types (and rare personality types dominated it).
SL, who is an INTJ -- so was she, BTW -- Myers Briggs types was the site's main focus
no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 12:50 am (UTC)*happy nostalgic sigh*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 08:33 am (UTC)It doesn't mean settling. It means that the person you just met and felt fireworks for is only going to last for a few weeks to two years. But the friend who has been with you through everything for years on end is your true love. The truest love is simply deep friendship.
Of course, you have to be ready for it. It's easy to stop yourself if you're afraid of being hurt, afraid of committing, afraid of being vulnerable. Those fears are real and they aren't easy to overcome but it's worth the effort.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 08:33 am (UTC)Love
Date: 2005-02-25 02:38 pm (UTC)From Alabama
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 02:46 am (UTC)