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Aug. 20th, 2014 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariA question I still get years later:
“Why do you want to be a woman, Jenn?”
It’s a question I’ve tried to answer in Closetspace, and a lot of trans folk use that comic to explain why they want to be women to other folks. But I’ve never liked how I explained it in the comics. While Carrie explains to Bettina about why she’s transitioning , it’s cramped to fit the six panels, and cramped to fit IN those panels. As well as a correction for some faulty science a the end of the firs tpart of that comic.
In general: When I see a female, the first feeling I have that runs through my head is a feeling of “longing.” It’s as if I had that body once, a long time ago, and would desperately like it back. And it’s not just body. It’s voice, posture, gestures, body language. You can be short, tall, slender, curvy, doesn’t matter, that longing is still there. And heaven help me if you’re pregnant. My biological clock has been ringing off the hook for years for a baby I have no room in my body to carry.
“Oh, you’d hate it the first time you had a period.”
Probably. But it’s because you hate it, too, right? It doesn’t matter. It comes with the territory. A territory I’ve been trying so hard to get a green card for.
Transition has helped a bit, but not completely. Being called “she” and “her” makes me happy. But my body is shaped like a linebacker’s. I used to try and wear super feminine clothing, to try and fit in a bit better, but in the end, it just accentuates the not-female look of my body. Same with makeup. I’ve since given up really trying to fit in, and while I’m not completely on the outskirt frontier of WomanLand, I’m at least inside the borders.
The drive to fix these problem, has tinted every life decision I’ve ever made. Nearly every life choice I’ve made has had the first question being: “Will this move my transition forward.” It’s caused me to make some rough choices in life, and even some choices I’ve known were completely wrong for me. But when you’re so compelled to make things right, to end that longing, to feel like the skin you live in is your own, you gotta do what you gotta do.
This is all just my idea of what makes want what I want. It’s not everyones. And, in fact, if yours is different, I encourage you to write an essay on what makes you want to transition. Could make for a neat read. :)
“Why do you want to be a woman, Jenn?”
It’s a question I’ve tried to answer in Closetspace, and a lot of trans folk use that comic to explain why they want to be women to other folks. But I’ve never liked how I explained it in the comics. While Carrie explains to Bettina about why she’s transitioning , it’s cramped to fit the six panels, and cramped to fit IN those panels. As well as a correction for some faulty science a the end of the firs tpart of that comic.
In general: When I see a female, the first feeling I have that runs through my head is a feeling of “longing.” It’s as if I had that body once, a long time ago, and would desperately like it back. And it’s not just body. It’s voice, posture, gestures, body language. You can be short, tall, slender, curvy, doesn’t matter, that longing is still there. And heaven help me if you’re pregnant. My biological clock has been ringing off the hook for years for a baby I have no room in my body to carry.
“Oh, you’d hate it the first time you had a period.”
Probably. But it’s because you hate it, too, right? It doesn’t matter. It comes with the territory. A territory I’ve been trying so hard to get a green card for.
Transition has helped a bit, but not completely. Being called “she” and “her” makes me happy. But my body is shaped like a linebacker’s. I used to try and wear super feminine clothing, to try and fit in a bit better, but in the end, it just accentuates the not-female look of my body. Same with makeup. I’ve since given up really trying to fit in, and while I’m not completely on the outskirt frontier of WomanLand, I’m at least inside the borders.
The drive to fix these problem, has tinted every life decision I’ve ever made. Nearly every life choice I’ve made has had the first question being: “Will this move my transition forward.” It’s caused me to make some rough choices in life, and even some choices I’ve known were completely wrong for me. But when you’re so compelled to make things right, to end that longing, to feel like the skin you live in is your own, you gotta do what you gotta do.
This is all just my idea of what makes want what I want. It’s not everyones. And, in fact, if yours is different, I encourage you to write an essay on what makes you want to transition. Could make for a neat read. :)
