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Mar. 1st, 2016 10:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariSometimes I wonder how much competiveness is hormonal. Cause I play Street Fighter really differently on hormones than I do off hormones.
But before I ever transitioned...I kinda took it REALLY seriously. If I lost a game, I would obsessively replay the game getting madder and madder each time. Sometimes to the embarrassment of my friends. If I lost a match due to bad controls (which happened a lot during my PlayStation years...that controller SUCKS for Street Fighter), that controller usually ended up imbedded through the sheetrock in a wall somewhere. Or in pieces. Or I'd wake up from a full on tantrum where I'd blacked out and destroyed furniture. Really.
After I transitioned and went full on estrogen...I still played the games. As much as I did before. But the frustration level and anger behind it went away. If a controller sucked...I bought another controller. Or, you know, stopped playing (which effectively ended my PlayStation years). If I lost a game, I wasn't obsessively intent on beating it to the point of rage. I simply...well...played again. Or didn't. If it stopped being fun, I stopped.
For a while, I thought it was just that I was getting older and more mature (yeah, right). But when I've had to stop hormones due to lack of funds, or even stop everything altogether (which is never fun), those old mindsets come back. To the point that I won't play anything for fear of breaking something around me from rage.
So it makes me wonder how much of that competitiveness comes from testosterone. And how, when it's out of my system, obsessive competitiveness becomes "Just enjoy the game."
Hormones are weird.
Musings on "I can't believe I lost to M. Bison six times in a row...huh...is there any cocoa left?"
But before I ever transitioned...I kinda took it REALLY seriously. If I lost a game, I would obsessively replay the game getting madder and madder each time. Sometimes to the embarrassment of my friends. If I lost a match due to bad controls (which happened a lot during my PlayStation years...that controller SUCKS for Street Fighter), that controller usually ended up imbedded through the sheetrock in a wall somewhere. Or in pieces. Or I'd wake up from a full on tantrum where I'd blacked out and destroyed furniture. Really.
After I transitioned and went full on estrogen...I still played the games. As much as I did before. But the frustration level and anger behind it went away. If a controller sucked...I bought another controller. Or, you know, stopped playing (which effectively ended my PlayStation years). If I lost a game, I wasn't obsessively intent on beating it to the point of rage. I simply...well...played again. Or didn't. If it stopped being fun, I stopped.
For a while, I thought it was just that I was getting older and more mature (yeah, right). But when I've had to stop hormones due to lack of funds, or even stop everything altogether (which is never fun), those old mindsets come back. To the point that I won't play anything for fear of breaking something around me from rage.
So it makes me wonder how much of that competitiveness comes from testosterone. And how, when it's out of my system, obsessive competitiveness becomes "Just enjoy the game."
Hormones are weird.
Musings on "I can't believe I lost to M. Bison six times in a row...huh...is there any cocoa left?"
