(no subject)

[dolari]

I'll gonn be very very honest here.

I'm severely heartbroken over the Texas trip, not just because of the Super 8 thing, or the mechanic thing. I feel like I let people down.

While I try to save up money for these trips, they're actually almost 100% paid for by my parents. The hotels, the gas, the food, everything I can't afford myself. The no-freeways or side-trip things? They give that to me so I can have fun driving down to Texas, instead of just going straight there.

When I'm in Texas, I stay with them, they feed me, they pay for my gas there for the most part. And the Austin portions? That's Dean. He pays for the hotel rooms, and the food. Just so we can spend time in Austin together.

These people put hard earned money in my hands to do this, because I can't do it myself. And I feel I let them down. Dean is going to Austin on his own, now. My parents wasted money trying to get me down to Texas, only for me to race home (and Super 8 likely took their hotel money as well if they couldn't stop payment on those rooms). On top of that they'll likely pay for the car repair. My mom doesn't work. Dad is 68 and still working to pay for me. Because I can barely afford groceries, gas and bills. He should be deep into retirement, but isn't.

Then there are people like Steph, who is my best friend in the world, and her family, who I only see on these trips, and Laura, who I've known since fifth grade, Liz's family who have become quick friends, and others...and I feel like I've let them all down.

This wasn't a choice I made lightly, and it was probably the right choice, but damn it hurts like hell. And it's eaten away at me since Monday night.

Comments

[sparksol.livejournal.com]

I empathize with you on this.