My doctor says I should try to have less cardboard in my diet.

[dolari]

What am I? I'm not all that sure anymore.

I am an M2F transsexual. That much is certain. I have boobs, and am rather proud of them. I have a female name that is more me than any other. To all my friends, I'm she and her and come across as female, even if thepublic in general doesn't do me any favors.

I am a comic artist. I'm no longer known as the Computer Geek or That Brainy Kid, labels that WERE me, even though I hated them. People see me as the comic artist I always wanted to be. People are reading and enjoying my comics and allowing my characters to live in their heads. And that to me is a wonderful feeling.

I am a leader now. In the Emily/Jenn relationship, I now have the role of the guider, instead of the guided, as it was with the Dean/Jenn relationship. I'm more confident now than I ever was just three years ago. I'm noticing people are looking to me for advice, instead of me looking to others for advice. I am directed instead of wildly flailing. I guess I'm growing up, despite all my attempts to never let go of my childhood.

This started as solemn kinda of counting my flaws and my praises, and I'm suddenly surprised at how many praises there really are, and how I've grown since 2001 when my world came crashing down.

I am me. Not a male mask, not a female mask. And...I think I'm content. I've come to terms with who I am, even if I haven't with what I am. Did I just go from Maiden to Mother?

Comments

[takhisis.livejournal.com]

Well I certainly wouldn't call you a crone. :)

Not sure about the self-comfort bit, but the guidee/guider shift certainly might fall into that pervue.

Just my thoughts. :)

[ubiquity.livejournal.com]

[emilydm.livejournal.com]

::hugs Jenn tight::

::scratches head over the graph, all confused::

[ubiquity.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this is more appropriate:

[ubiquity.livejournal.com]

No, it's not obvious. It's subtle and annoyingly enigmatic.

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

http://www.dolari.org/pub/e907mipp.htm

[max-volume.livejournal.com]

I have SMPTE bars burned into my retinas from all the time I've spent aligning monitors or calibrating video feeds. That, and the fact that it's my PC desktop at work...

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

What exactly are those bars for. I've only ever seen them once, when they were showing a 3D movie on the local TV, and had us mess with the tints and whatnot on the air. :)

[max-volume.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what they're for. The seven color bars at the top correspond to measurements on a test device called a vectorscope. We engineering types use it as a reference for making sure that monitors read true, and that videotape playback or remote feeds look correct-ish.

More info:
http://www.videouniversity.com/tvbars2.htm

Colorbars in use, towards bottom. http://members.nova.org/%7Epmisisco/fpa_pix/fpa_pix.html

[chrysalis.livejournal.com]

I dunno... to me, you're realizing the way that I've been seeing you since I first "met" you. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/strangelv__/]

I have to go along with the view that the main visible change has been your self-confidence.

...the value of which should not be understated.


SL

[ghostangel.livejournal.com]

<3

[ghostangel.livejournal.com]

And yet again LJ fails at life.

*hugs* :3

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

Gotta do ti backwards. :)

3>

Oh...that doesn't work.

E> ?