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Nov. 21st, 2022 01:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariThe loss of David Jason Frank is weighing very heavily on my mind. There's a lot of intersectionality there.
I've always been a kid at heart, and watched kid's shows WELL past the age I was "supposed" to. One of those was Power Rangers, which came around when I was nineteen. I was into anime for a while by then, which also meant I was exposed to "sentai" series, what the Power Ranger style shows are called in Japan. When MMPR showed up in America, I was all in.
Eventually Tommy showed up as the Green Ranger. And wow, did he ever show up. By this time I'd spent a decade in the closet as trans, and only come out to my friends a few years ago. Up to that point, I'd had only one real romantic relationship and it didn't go very well. My own confusion at being trans led me to decide to hold off on that until I could figure my own feelings out.
Tommy was that feeling. He was the first man I "allowed" myself to have a crush on. There'd been others, but I always just pushed that away, because I was told by society what I should want, and it wasn't that. After coming out to friends, and especially Steph teaching me I should reach out for what I wanted, I decided to reach out for Tommy. He was just an image on a TV screen, but for the first time I allowed myself to have a crush on someone society had said I shouldn't, and it felt...okay. Not okay like it was boring, or not bad. Okay as in, "hey, the world didn't end. You're good." David Jason Frank, as Tommy, helped me access to a part of me I didn't allow mysef before then.
And, dammit, he was fucking cute.
HEaring that he'd passed away hurt. On top of that, so was hearing he was only a year older than me. HE was fit as a fiddle to fit in that Spandex all those years later, and he passed away. Me? I've got more bugs in my genetic code than in Windows ME. If he went...I could easily go just as quick. Marisa already has. Thoughts to get things in order came up, and a general readiness for the end, if/when/should it come. Not sad thoughts, but more "we need to think about this and get stuff done" thoughts.
And then I heard it was suicide.
He was a good guy, from what I've heard. Always happy to meet a fan, always proud of his time on Power Rangers. Positivity all around. That should have been a clue.
I suffer from depression. I don't really talk about it in public, but it's there. 24/7. You know it's a mirage. A mix of chemicals gone bad in your brain. Sometimes the medications work. In my case they didn't. So it's always there, and you do your best to make up for it. His way was my way: Be kind to everyone around you, because their battles are masked, too. You never know if the extra ten seconds of kindness will save that person from going over the brink. You be kind, and gracious, and giving, cause you dont' know how much longer you have left, and every bit you give someone else, gives you some time, too.
His kindness should have been a clue. He went over the brink.
When celebrities die, I tend to post little videos of them doing something funny, silly, or meaningful. Never angry, making fun, or hurtful. There were quite a few videos I looked over, before I chose one for the post I made about his passing.
It's the one where he says "You don't have to do it alone." Reach out when you need to. Someone will keep you from going over.
I've always been a kid at heart, and watched kid's shows WELL past the age I was "supposed" to. One of those was Power Rangers, which came around when I was nineteen. I was into anime for a while by then, which also meant I was exposed to "sentai" series, what the Power Ranger style shows are called in Japan. When MMPR showed up in America, I was all in.
Eventually Tommy showed up as the Green Ranger. And wow, did he ever show up. By this time I'd spent a decade in the closet as trans, and only come out to my friends a few years ago. Up to that point, I'd had only one real romantic relationship and it didn't go very well. My own confusion at being trans led me to decide to hold off on that until I could figure my own feelings out.
Tommy was that feeling. He was the first man I "allowed" myself to have a crush on. There'd been others, but I always just pushed that away, because I was told by society what I should want, and it wasn't that. After coming out to friends, and especially Steph teaching me I should reach out for what I wanted, I decided to reach out for Tommy. He was just an image on a TV screen, but for the first time I allowed myself to have a crush on someone society had said I shouldn't, and it felt...okay. Not okay like it was boring, or not bad. Okay as in, "hey, the world didn't end. You're good." David Jason Frank, as Tommy, helped me access to a part of me I didn't allow mysef before then.
And, dammit, he was fucking cute.
HEaring that he'd passed away hurt. On top of that, so was hearing he was only a year older than me. HE was fit as a fiddle to fit in that Spandex all those years later, and he passed away. Me? I've got more bugs in my genetic code than in Windows ME. If he went...I could easily go just as quick. Marisa already has. Thoughts to get things in order came up, and a general readiness for the end, if/when/should it come. Not sad thoughts, but more "we need to think about this and get stuff done" thoughts.
And then I heard it was suicide.
He was a good guy, from what I've heard. Always happy to meet a fan, always proud of his time on Power Rangers. Positivity all around. That should have been a clue.
I suffer from depression. I don't really talk about it in public, but it's there. 24/7. You know it's a mirage. A mix of chemicals gone bad in your brain. Sometimes the medications work. In my case they didn't. So it's always there, and you do your best to make up for it. His way was my way: Be kind to everyone around you, because their battles are masked, too. You never know if the extra ten seconds of kindness will save that person from going over the brink. You be kind, and gracious, and giving, cause you dont' know how much longer you have left, and every bit you give someone else, gives you some time, too.
His kindness should have been a clue. He went over the brink.
When celebrities die, I tend to post little videos of them doing something funny, silly, or meaningful. Never angry, making fun, or hurtful. There were quite a few videos I looked over, before I chose one for the post I made about his passing.
It's the one where he says "You don't have to do it alone." Reach out when you need to. Someone will keep you from going over.
