I hope I'm not being forward, but do you mind if I chew on your butt?

[dolari]

I used to be VERY VERY VERY afraid of the dark. After getting more and more into Wicca, I realized a lot of what COULD get me int he dark would only get me if I thought it could get me. That sentence parses, I'm sure. Eventually, my fear of the dark slowly ebbed away, although if I get spooked, on go the lights. Even then, if I'm confronted with something, I can usually hold on for a sec before going into complete panic to figure out if it's something I should be afraid of. 99.995% of the time I can figure it out, and go right back to bed (that's usually when I get spooked).

Tonight, after everyone went home from work, I turned on my overhead light and turned off the main lights in the Tech Support area. I usually do this every night because I find it easier to work in the dim light than the bright flourescent light. I don't know what was different this time, but I used he Little Trans Bathroom I've been assigned (way in the back), and when I came back, I opened the door to the tech support room. When you go int, there's a cubicle hallway that leads to a big white load-bearing beam. And when I walked in, I saw a shadow. Not just a shadow - but A Shadow. One of the things I based my shadow characters on in AWFW.

There was no "what's this?" moment, I went straight to panic, I hadn't seen one of these since I was tiny, and the primal fear of it all just overwhlemed me. When I finally caught my breath, outside in the well lit hallway, I went back in...and sure enough it was still there projected on the beam.

I went for the lights, and that's when IT went for something...and then I realized that shadow was ME. There were two lightsources behind me, casting two shadows. Where the two shadows overlapped was the perfect form of one of the AWFW shadows, and the same ones I saw as a kid. They weren't back. It was just ME.

Funny how terrors from childhood nightmares can cause such a quick panic. I worked the rest of the night with the ligths on. Think I'll be sleeping with them on, too.

Shield practice'd prolly good too.

Comments

[ascian.livejournal.com]

Jeeeeesus. That sounds like a really scary moment. I've had those, usually with mirrors or reflected light. To this day I probably see about two 'ghosts' a week out of the corners of my eyes; my best guess is that it's actually light refracting off of the edge of my rimless glasses.

I used to be paralyzingly afraid of the dark, but in those days I could never tell you exactly what was in it. It was everything bad, all at once. Since then I've personified that evil as something I call the Jabberwock. I've gotten over the dark thing, mostly. Now it's the sound of wind in the dark, which I hear every night in Amarillo. I once had the idea that the howling of the wind was actually made by some kind of malevolent phantoms, and ever since then I have to fight my fear at the sound (it's likely a result of my encounter with Hurricane Rita, which went straight over my home and made a sound I later described as 'a beast in the dark that never, ever stops howling').

Er, anyway. Just rambling to show that you're not alone in still getting the frights. Hell, I squirmed uncomfortably just thinking about the Jabberwock for this post. I'll probably be going to sleep with something wacky on the TV, just to be safe.

...I want to finish with something inspiring about overcoming your fear, but... well, I got nothin'.

Sweet dreams. <_<;

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

>Now it's the sound of wind in the dark, which I hear every night in
>Amarillo.

And you know, I find that sound very soothing.

[gwenners.livejournal.com]

There's some interesting lessons in that...

Cheers,
Gwen Smith

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't doubt that this is how it all started as a kid. Still, the problem is it got In My Head. I thought I had it taken care of, but that fear is still there.

I 'll figure something out.

[gwenners.livejournal.com]

Well, such things are as alive as the life we give them. I've had my own shadows, too.

Cheers,
Gwen Smith

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

I'll bet that you saw a similar phenomenon when you were a kid and saw your first Shadows. It's interseting where story ideas come from.

The whole fear of the dark thing goes way back in human evolution to the times when The Things That Ate Us were nocturnal. We learned to gather around fires because The Things That Ate Us don't like fire. We also learned to fear The Things That Ate Us on an nearly instinctual level. This is where your fear is coming from.

You can overcome your fear if you wish to work at it, you can learn to cope and live with it which is what you have been doing, or you can let your fear overwhelm you which is not healthy. I don't believe that you'd choose the unhealthy path.

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

The difference was that I was usually IN bed when I saw them. And they moved. Although I don't doubt that something similar may have STARTED me down that path.

Like I've said, I've gotten a lot better. If I'm with someone it can be pitch black. If I'm alone, it can be if I'm not spooked. If I'm spooked, and that's very rarely anymore, is when I sleep with the lights on.

Tonight'll prolly be a dark night for me. :) I was spooked last night.

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

The difference was that I was usually IN bed when I saw them. And they moved

Someone else's shadows maybe? Our brains are wired to look for threats. If we see something unfamiliar, we try to make it resolve into something we aready know, thus the hours of fun finding shapes in clouds and similar games. When we're already fearful (for example being in the dark) we interpret the unfamiliar shape as a threat and assign it a threatening appearance. Do you remember the Porky Pig cartoon where Porky and Sylvester spend the night in a deserted hotel? Sylvester keeps seeing ghosts and such that Porky disproves by (for example) pulling the cover off an old chair and things like that. This is how a couple of coat hangars and a sleeve once became a demonic beast in my bedroom one night.

I find that knowledge disperses fear, most times. Sometimes...

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

Oh, my MIND knows there's no problem. It's getting my HEART to agree that is. :)

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

That's the sometimes : )

[fragment00.livejournal.com]

I'm still afraid of the dark. Once you know what lurks there it is hard to just get to sleep.