The "Wrong" Side of Trans
Mar. 3rd, 2010 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariOver the last few days, it's kind of come to my attention, that my opinions on being trans might be "wrong." Or at the very least outdated.
It started a few months ago when I gave a friend, who had just come out as trans, a bit of (my) harsh reality of being trans. Her partner didn't appreciate this, although the person who actually came out did. Just a few weeks ago, when Emily was having her surgery, I was trying to be descrete when I'd mentioned she was having a deeply invasive cosmetic surgery...another person argued othat it wasn't cosmetic, it was medically necessary (I hate arguing semantics, especially when there are MUCH more important things going on). Finally, just a few nights ago, I'd made mention that I felt that a neo-vagina was just that: a neo vagina. Not a female vagina. Two people argued (and in one case, pretty vehemently) about it.
This got me to thinking, maybe my mindset was wrong. So much so, that I went to several of my closer and trusted friends and asked them if my viewpoint was...well...even valid....
Well, what IS that viewpoint?
My viewpoint, the viewpoint I've had about my transness all my life, is that I am a woman. A woman wired into a male body. No matter what I do to that body to make it look more female, in the end, itis a male body does not make you any more of a woman. Having electrolysis kills the beard, but does not make the body any more female you any more of a woman. Taking hormones to rearrange the body fat and grow breasts, does not make it any less male you any more of a woman. The surgery removes the penis and creates a neo-vagina, but does not make your body any less male OR more female you more of a woman.You'd think this last one would be the whole point in my view, but it's not:
But what it does is create the look and feel of a female body. And if that makes you feel better in your skin, do it. If you pass, even better. And if you can go stealth, go for it. But for me, even if I could do all those things, I'd still be a woman, wired into a male body, reconfigured to look female. I often liken being trans to having a massive burn scar on your face. You can live without any surgery, but people will notice the scar. If cosmetic surgery to make it look more normal makes you feel better, and hides the scar from the public, do it. But in the end, you have been scarred. And for some of us, the scar can never be completely removed.
But that's not an accusation of fooling other people, or deluding yourself. My beliefs are my own, if you disagree, I try not to push it. Beliefs are neither right or wrong, they are your own. And for me, being a woman is a state of mind, not a state of body (although that REALLY REALLY helps), and no matter what you do to the body you live in, if your heart is a woman, you're a woman.
Is my viewpoint valid? For me, yes. Pershaps for many others, yes. For everyone, no. In fact, I fully expect some pushback here about it. But maybe this will shed some light on why I think the way I do about transition, the words I choose, and my attitudes about translife in general.
[EDITED 3/5/2010 for clarification, edits shown]
It started a few months ago when I gave a friend, who had just come out as trans, a bit of (my) harsh reality of being trans. Her partner didn't appreciate this, although the person who actually came out did. Just a few weeks ago, when Emily was having her surgery, I was trying to be descrete when I'd mentioned she was having a deeply invasive cosmetic surgery...another person argued othat it wasn't cosmetic, it was medically necessary (I hate arguing semantics, especially when there are MUCH more important things going on). Finally, just a few nights ago, I'd made mention that I felt that a neo-vagina was just that: a neo vagina. Not a female vagina. Two people argued (and in one case, pretty vehemently) about it.
This got me to thinking, maybe my mindset was wrong. So much so, that I went to several of my closer and trusted friends and asked them if my viewpoint was...well...even valid....
Well, what IS that viewpoint?
My viewpoint, the viewpoint I've had about my transness all my life, is that I am a woman. A woman wired into a male body. No matter what I do to that body to make it look more female, in the end, it
But what it does is create the look and feel of a female body. And if that makes you feel better in your skin, do it. If you pass, even better. And if you can go stealth, go for it. But for me, even if I could do all those things, I'd still be a woman, wired into a male body, reconfigured to look female. I often liken being trans to having a massive burn scar on your face. You can live without any surgery, but people will notice the scar. If cosmetic surgery to make it look more normal makes you feel better, and hides the scar from the public, do it. But in the end, you have been scarred. And for some of us, the scar can never be completely removed.
But that's not an accusation of fooling other people, or deluding yourself. My beliefs are my own, if you disagree, I try not to push it. Beliefs are neither right or wrong, they are your own. And for me, being a woman is a state of mind, not a state of body (although that REALLY REALLY helps), and no matter what you do to the body you live in, if your heart is a woman, you're a woman.
Is my viewpoint valid? For me, yes. Pershaps for many others, yes. For everyone, no. In fact, I fully expect some pushback here about it. But maybe this will shed some light on why I think the way I do about transition, the words I choose, and my attitudes about translife in general.
[EDITED 3/5/2010 for clarification, edits shown]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 09:36 pm (UTC)>applying this to yourself and I was applying my viewpoint to myself, and
>that was going to be the end of it and we wouldn't talk about it again.
>This post seems to change the game.
I said I wasn't going to mention it to you about it. You made your beliefs clear, I thought I made my beliefs clear. It's obvious either I didn't, oe I misheard you, or I wasn't clear enough. I posted this because I wanted it to get out to people who have taken to me to task about my beliefs, right here in LJ and Facebook. I took a chance you'd see it, but I was under the idea that you "understood and wouldn't change what I believe." If I was wrong, I'm sorry.
>The "body scents" post last week made me uncomfortable. ("She's close but
>she's not real.")
I'm gonna tell you something about that post, and why it's deleted: I was rip roaring drunk that night, for the first time. Ask Crys. I was under so much stress from everything that was going on I took advantage of the huge stocks of liquor here to have a freaking MUG of Brandy and Coke. Whether that make the post MORE genuine, or LESS genuine, is up to you. I deleted it, because after reading it sober, it was a mistake.
>Your stating your viewpoint last night made me
>uncomfortable, but I respected it because you were applying it only to >yourself. Now with this post you seem to be extending it to everyone >male-to-female trans, myself included, and that is a showstopper. If you >don't see me as a woman and female, if all I am and all I'll ever be is a >cheap imitation to you, then we have a MAJOR problem. I feel like I've >been stabbed in the back by someone I trusted implicitly, let alone >someone I viewed as a friend and an ally.
This is my viewpoint. It's how I see it, and how I thought I stated it to you. And yes I extend it to everyone who is M2F or F2M trans that I know. You, Crys, Erin, Lissa, Gwen, Me. And if that's a showstopper, I'm sorry...but I don't see you as any kind of Cheap Imitation at all. I see you as a Woman. You are Emily, my fiancee (assuming, after this post, that's what you want), and woman. I fell in love with HER, not whatever body she was in. And if there was a problem with that on my end, then I' never would have gotten more involved with you OR Dean.
I'd like to think I'm still your friend, and ally. But it's clear I didn't get my point across to you the way I wanted. We should talk and make sure this isn't the showstopper it appears to be.