The "Wrong" Side of Trans
Mar. 3rd, 2010 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariOver the last few days, it's kind of come to my attention, that my opinions on being trans might be "wrong." Or at the very least outdated.
It started a few months ago when I gave a friend, who had just come out as trans, a bit of (my) harsh reality of being trans. Her partner didn't appreciate this, although the person who actually came out did. Just a few weeks ago, when Emily was having her surgery, I was trying to be descrete when I'd mentioned she was having a deeply invasive cosmetic surgery...another person argued othat it wasn't cosmetic, it was medically necessary (I hate arguing semantics, especially when there are MUCH more important things going on). Finally, just a few nights ago, I'd made mention that I felt that a neo-vagina was just that: a neo vagina. Not a female vagina. Two people argued (and in one case, pretty vehemently) about it.
This got me to thinking, maybe my mindset was wrong. So much so, that I went to several of my closer and trusted friends and asked them if my viewpoint was...well...even valid....
Well, what IS that viewpoint?
My viewpoint, the viewpoint I've had about my transness all my life, is that I am a woman. A woman wired into a male body. No matter what I do to that body to make it look more female, in the end, itis a male body does not make you any more of a woman. Having electrolysis kills the beard, but does not make the body any more female you any more of a woman. Taking hormones to rearrange the body fat and grow breasts, does not make it any less male you any more of a woman. The surgery removes the penis and creates a neo-vagina, but does not make your body any less male OR more female you more of a woman.You'd think this last one would be the whole point in my view, but it's not:
But what it does is create the look and feel of a female body. And if that makes you feel better in your skin, do it. If you pass, even better. And if you can go stealth, go for it. But for me, even if I could do all those things, I'd still be a woman, wired into a male body, reconfigured to look female. I often liken being trans to having a massive burn scar on your face. You can live without any surgery, but people will notice the scar. If cosmetic surgery to make it look more normal makes you feel better, and hides the scar from the public, do it. But in the end, you have been scarred. And for some of us, the scar can never be completely removed.
But that's not an accusation of fooling other people, or deluding yourself. My beliefs are my own, if you disagree, I try not to push it. Beliefs are neither right or wrong, they are your own. And for me, being a woman is a state of mind, not a state of body (although that REALLY REALLY helps), and no matter what you do to the body you live in, if your heart is a woman, you're a woman.
Is my viewpoint valid? For me, yes. Pershaps for many others, yes. For everyone, no. In fact, I fully expect some pushback here about it. But maybe this will shed some light on why I think the way I do about transition, the words I choose, and my attitudes about translife in general.
[EDITED 3/5/2010 for clarification, edits shown]
It started a few months ago when I gave a friend, who had just come out as trans, a bit of (my) harsh reality of being trans. Her partner didn't appreciate this, although the person who actually came out did. Just a few weeks ago, when Emily was having her surgery, I was trying to be descrete when I'd mentioned she was having a deeply invasive cosmetic surgery...another person argued othat it wasn't cosmetic, it was medically necessary (I hate arguing semantics, especially when there are MUCH more important things going on). Finally, just a few nights ago, I'd made mention that I felt that a neo-vagina was just that: a neo vagina. Not a female vagina. Two people argued (and in one case, pretty vehemently) about it.
This got me to thinking, maybe my mindset was wrong. So much so, that I went to several of my closer and trusted friends and asked them if my viewpoint was...well...even valid....
Well, what IS that viewpoint?
My viewpoint, the viewpoint I've had about my transness all my life, is that I am a woman. A woman wired into a male body. No matter what I do to that body to make it look more female, in the end, it
But what it does is create the look and feel of a female body. And if that makes you feel better in your skin, do it. If you pass, even better. And if you can go stealth, go for it. But for me, even if I could do all those things, I'd still be a woman, wired into a male body, reconfigured to look female. I often liken being trans to having a massive burn scar on your face. You can live without any surgery, but people will notice the scar. If cosmetic surgery to make it look more normal makes you feel better, and hides the scar from the public, do it. But in the end, you have been scarred. And for some of us, the scar can never be completely removed.
But that's not an accusation of fooling other people, or deluding yourself. My beliefs are my own, if you disagree, I try not to push it. Beliefs are neither right or wrong, they are your own. And for me, being a woman is a state of mind, not a state of body (although that REALLY REALLY helps), and no matter what you do to the body you live in, if your heart is a woman, you're a woman.
Is my viewpoint valid? For me, yes. Pershaps for many others, yes. For everyone, no. In fact, I fully expect some pushback here about it. But maybe this will shed some light on why I think the way I do about transition, the words I choose, and my attitudes about translife in general.
[EDITED 3/5/2010 for clarification, edits shown]
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 09:47 pm (UTC)>person in question vented to her about how she felt it was unwanted and
>unhelpful. So it wasn't just a case of Pazi meddling here; the person seemed
>to be seriously distressed by it and told me they'd felt it was too much.
That's wasn't what I got from her. All I got after I wanted to make sure she was okay AFTER you gave me the what-for was:
[21:35] SCREENNAME: no.. i'm not mad
[21:35] SCREENNAME: i completely understand what all ya said and why you did it
That to me, didn't tell me anything like "vent[ing] [...] about how she felt it was unwanted and unhelpful."
>>Beliefs are neither right or wrong, they are your own.
>If you believe that gasoline doesn't combust, hence, engines don't work,
>and cars are impossible -- you're going to have a lot of explaining to do
>as you walk down the street.
Beliefs are not facts. My belief is The Soul Does Not Match The Body. There are a lot of beliefs about souls. There are very few facts. There are facts about the body, but one half of my belief is just that - A BELIEF. You're proving the wrong argument here.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 09:56 pm (UTC)(And...I'm not giving you what for. I wasn't snapping at you or considering you a bad person or any such thing. There may be cultural and personal differences at work here, but I depend on a degree of openness in communication, and part of that means bringing up contentious stuff on occasion.)
As far as beliefs versus facts, if you believe something that is backed up by facts, it is true in some non-trivial sense (though it may have limits). If you believe something that is contradicted by fact, it is false. Only where the case is ambiguous is there some wiggle room, and even then it is entirely possible to judge a given belief for how likely it is to be true, what its implications are, and whether or not we could ever find out.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-04 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-04 07:58 am (UTC)