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Jun. 18th, 2002 06:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariWell, shit.
The Q&A hit a sidetrack. Several in fact. The main reason I'm writing this in fact.
Almost as soon as I went into meditation, I began to get really disturbing imagery. This is seriously beginning to be a problem for me, as this is not the first time that this has happened. This time, as it started I got an extremely vivid and overpowering image of the head of a tiger, pure yellow and black. I couldn't get away from the image, so I decided to overload myself on it. I went up to it, examined it, and walked away. When I walked away I got a strange look from it. When I tried to start up the state again, I noticed a person behind me. This time I wished him away easily. However, the next overpower image I got was a Buddha statue, that was gorging itself on human entrails.
I couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called up the New Character whohelpd me get rid of the imagery. I finally entered my space, had a very good Q&A but it was interrupted by flying "things." The New Character kept swatting at them but they interrupted me constantly. And a small skull, as well. The New Character got it and smashed it, but it kept coming back.
Finally The New Character told me to repaint the area I was in Jet Black, with just light for me and her. This worked for a while until I began to get overpowered with nasty unreal demonic and evil imagery. The New Character finally said for me to try and "restart" with her next to me. Again, this worked for a short while before it all started again.
I DID get some answers to questions I wanted to know, and again I got the response I didn't like.... And the "good" news. I asked her where the hell all this imagery was comign from. She told me that this time, it was all me. That's why no shielding woulda stopped it. My own mind was making these images to break off the meditation. I was fighting me.
I finally gave up, and even she said I was too disturbed to go on....
So I broke it off, got some water and tried to go to sleep...and immediately it all came back at me, this time, the Buddha eating enrtails, the Tigerhead, a golem monster, screaming pillars with faces, mangled faces, flying demons....
And now I'm wide awake watching Zoids because everytime I close my eyes, I see MORE of this shit.
Even the New Character says that I have to be the one to stop it...but I really don't know how. Suggestions?
The Q&A hit a sidetrack. Several in fact. The main reason I'm writing this in fact.
Almost as soon as I went into meditation, I began to get really disturbing imagery. This is seriously beginning to be a problem for me, as this is not the first time that this has happened. This time, as it started I got an extremely vivid and overpowering image of the head of a tiger, pure yellow and black. I couldn't get away from the image, so I decided to overload myself on it. I went up to it, examined it, and walked away. When I walked away I got a strange look from it. When I tried to start up the state again, I noticed a person behind me. This time I wished him away easily. However, the next overpower image I got was a Buddha statue, that was gorging itself on human entrails.
I couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called up the New Character whohelpd me get rid of the imagery. I finally entered my space, had a very good Q&A but it was interrupted by flying "things." The New Character kept swatting at them but they interrupted me constantly. And a small skull, as well. The New Character got it and smashed it, but it kept coming back.
Finally The New Character told me to repaint the area I was in Jet Black, with just light for me and her. This worked for a while until I began to get overpowered with nasty unreal demonic and evil imagery. The New Character finally said for me to try and "restart" with her next to me. Again, this worked for a short while before it all started again.
I DID get some answers to questions I wanted to know, and again I got the response I didn't like.... And the "good" news. I asked her where the hell all this imagery was comign from. She told me that this time, it was all me. That's why no shielding woulda stopped it. My own mind was making these images to break off the meditation. I was fighting me.
I finally gave up, and even she said I was too disturbed to go on....
So I broke it off, got some water and tried to go to sleep...and immediately it all came back at me, this time, the Buddha eating enrtails, the Tigerhead, a golem monster, screaming pillars with faces, mangled faces, flying demons....
And now I'm wide awake watching Zoids because everytime I close my eyes, I see MORE of this shit.
Even the New Character says that I have to be the one to stop it...but I really don't know how. Suggestions?
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Hmm, new thoughts!
Date: 2002-06-18 06:14 pm (UTC)Also, with all thats happening in your life, the operation is coming up isn't it? and new and big changes in your life.. have you thought that this could be leading up to SELF- (or Spontaneous) INITIATION? Maybe you have come to a point where you either accept and learn to control/use your powers or just deny them and go crazy? It's a turning point in your life, in any case, and perhaps it's being reflected in your mind as well, initiation like this is not unheard of, it has happened to me. Some journeys - psychic experiences/dreams involve yourself dying, sometimes can be very gruesome, but it's a life-death-rebirth thing.
Re: Hmm, new thoughts!
Date: 2002-06-18 10:55 pm (UTC)That isn't to say there aren't new and big changes coming up. I think there will be. Some things are already in motion on purpose.