(no subject)

[dolari]

Well, shit.

The Q&A hit a sidetrack. Several in fact. The main reason I'm writing this in fact.

Almost as soon as I went into meditation, I began to get really disturbing imagery. This is seriously beginning to be a problem for me, as this is not the first time that this has happened. This time, as it started I got an extremely vivid and overpowering image of the head of a tiger, pure yellow and black. I couldn't get away from the image, so I decided to overload myself on it. I went up to it, examined it, and walked away. When I walked away I got a strange look from it. When I tried to start up the state again, I noticed a person behind me. This time I wished him away easily. However, the next overpower image I got was a Buddha statue, that was gorging itself on human entrails.

I couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called up the New Character whohelpd me get rid of the imagery. I finally entered my space, had a very good Q&A but it was interrupted by flying "things." The New Character kept swatting at them but they interrupted me constantly. And a small skull, as well. The New Character got it and smashed it, but it kept coming back.

Finally The New Character told me to repaint the area I was in Jet Black, with just light for me and her. This worked for a while until I began to get overpowered with nasty unreal demonic and evil imagery. The New Character finally said for me to try and "restart" with her next to me. Again, this worked for a short while before it all started again.

I DID get some answers to questions I wanted to know, and again I got the response I didn't like.... And the "good" news. I asked her where the hell all this imagery was comign from. She told me that this time, it was all me. That's why no shielding woulda stopped it. My own mind was making these images to break off the meditation. I was fighting me.

I finally gave up, and even she said I was too disturbed to go on....

So I broke it off, got some water and tried to go to sleep...and immediately it all came back at me, this time, the Buddha eating enrtails, the Tigerhead, a golem monster, screaming pillars with faces, mangled faces, flying demons....

And now I'm wide awake watching Zoids because everytime I close my eyes, I see MORE of this shit.

Even the New Character says that I have to be the one to stop it...but I really don't know how. Suggestions?

Comments

[nathan-r.livejournal.com]

I wish I had some advice for you. I don't meditate, but I sometimes have similar problems-- seeing demon faces with the skin flayed off whenever I close my eyes, that sort of thing. In fact, that's one of the reasons I don't meditate. Getting a drink of water and staying up late is the only remedy I've found so far, although you watch much more television than I do, so where you'd probably be watching the Cartoon Network, I'd be reading a novel or a comic book. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but at least you're not alone.

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking this was a matter of "I'm trying not to think of a Dog licking a Cat" and having that sentence actually REINFORCE The image of a Dog licking a Cat. The more I fought it, the more I reinforced the image of a Dog licking a Cat in order to try and wish it away.

Just a matter of training myself, I guess.

thoughts...

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

Something tells me this is somehow linked to the "opposites" effect we were talking about a few months ago. I don't know how, though. What if some of your Angels agreed to keep watch for you while you meditate/chat with New Character? Then, it wouldn't be you trying to keep the imagery out, it'd be the Angels. I also have vague recollections from my Wiccan days of the "Watchtowers" of the cardinal directions, which would act as Guardians while a person did their thing in Circle. The Watchtowers could be Archangels, etc. You might wanna consider asking Watchtowers to protect you, or help you or something. Draw a Circle before you begin.

Another idea that came to me would probably work but I know someone (who was very well-practiced in Magick) who did it and he lost a good chunk of his personality. It's too dangerous, and I don't know the details of how to do it anyway. Needless to say, it's pretty thorough. I guess it boils down to, how desperate are you?

Hmm, new thoughts!

[ladymisty.livejournal.com]

Hi, I just posted some comments but then I thought about it and want to say this too! You might wanna look into the Dark Goddess of Fear herself, KALI. If I recall correctly, she eats flesh, entrails, etc.!
Also, with all thats happening in your life, the operation is coming up isn't it? and new and big changes in your life.. have you thought that this could be leading up to SELF- (or Spontaneous) INITIATION? Maybe you have come to a point where you either accept and learn to control/use your powers or just deny them and go crazy? It's a turning point in your life, in any case, and perhaps it's being reflected in your mind as well, initiation like this is not unheard of, it has happened to me. Some journeys - psychic experiences/dreams involve yourself dying, sometimes can be very gruesome, but it's a life-death-rebirth thing.

Re: Hmm, new thoughts!

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

My surgery is FAR FAR FAR away (My lovely large Surgery Savings has dwindled to $10 in my bank account).

That isn't to say there aren't new and big changes coming up. I think there will be. Some things are already in motion on purpose.

[(Anonymous)]

If I correctly recall, the instructions in the Zen manual I was reading was to basically ignore such things and concentrate on your focus.

I must admit, I had nothing approaching your degree of difficulty, but, then, I also was focusing in directions I'm not going to describe in an open forum.


SL

eldar pipes up

[(Anonymous)]

I had to deal with that kind of imagery and such when I started meditating, the mind doesn't like being stilled, and will fight you any way possible, either by producing itches, or by trying to scare the holy living piss outta ya, or dredge up things so outright disturbing tht you cannot continue.

the only way *I* have found to deal with this, (and keep in mind your mileage may vary) was to neither try and banish the images, start by ignoring it outright, nor overload on them. You remember the response to pain we talked about? about how if you accept it as a signal that somethign's wrong with your body, it doesn't hurt as bad? same principle, accept that your mind is fighting you, then accept that your mind is producing the imagery. after that, you can sink deeper into meditation and say *this is neither important or pertinant at this moment, I have aknowledged it, and I shall speak to myself later about it.* take a deep breath, and another, slow your mind, stop being afraid or disturbed by the images....detachment, I think is the word...detach yourself from the scene, then take a deep breath and let it jsut melt away into a pale pearly white nothingness into which nothing negative can come. Just remain calm, dont' get desperate, or *fighty* just remain calm and confident. Remember this imagery only disturbs you or threatens you if you allow it. after you have said *it's no longer important to the task at hand* you should be able to sucessfully ignore it.

much love and peace Jenn, and I hope this helps you in some small way...

Two bits

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

Okay, I haven't met you, YMMV, etc. etc.

I also don't know if this is still a problem, but I feel the need to say some things. Feel free to ignore and/or delete this. :-)

First of all, it seems like you are trying to get rid of some things that you are pretty sure are coming from you. I humbly suggest trying to exercise a little control. Making things like that actually go away is like forcing your arm to leave the room, IME. Try changing them, small changes at first. For example, that entrail eating buddha might work really well as a guardian, like a sphinx. Take away his entrails, face him outwards, and tell him he can eat anyone who comes along that doesn't belong.

I'm curious about your description of some imagery being 'evil.' I haven't found any imagery that is inherently evil, myself. Would it be appropriate to say that the imagery is chaotic and uncontrolled more than evil? If so, then it might work to find where the chaos exists in the imagery and to exert control on only those aspects. I'd reccomend working on this when you're not trying to do anything else, like have a conversation with the character.

I have some other things I want to suggest, but they hinge much more on a niggling suspicion, and I am seriously hesitant to mention them because my suspicion could be very wrong.

Re: Two bits

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

>I also don't know if this is still a problem, but I feel the need to say some things. Feel
>free to ignore and/or delete this. :-)

It is not nearly as bad, but it's getting better.

>First of all, it seems like you are trying to get rid of some things that you are pretty sure
>are coming from you. I humbly suggest trying to exercise a little control. Making things like
>that actually go away is like forcing your arm to leave the room, IME.

::laugh:: yeah, you can't think about not thinkin gabout something. ;)

>Try changing them, small changes at first. For example, that entrail eating buddha might work
>really well as a guardian, like a sphinx. Take away his entrails, face him outwards, and tell
>him he can eat anyone who comes along that doesn't belong.

Hmmmmm...I never thought of trying something that.

>I'm curious about your description of some imagery being 'evil.' I haven't found any imagery
>that is inherently evil, myself. Would it be appropriate to say that the imagery is chaotic
>and uncontrolled more than evil? If so, then it might work to find where the chaos exists in
>the imagery and to exert control on only those aspects. I'd reccomend working on this when
>you're not trying to do anything else, like have a conversation with the character.

To me, it's evil in the fat that I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. You get teh imagery of the devil and the demons and such, and to me, that's constitutes "Evil." Plus abominable acts (entrail eating for one) come across as evil. That's how I describe it. Taunting evilness.

But then again, my version of evil doesn't ring true with everyne. I drew the sahdows as "evil." Carrot thinks they're adorable. :)

>I have some other things I want to suggest, but they hinge much more on a niggling suspicion,
>and I am seriously hesitant to mention them because my suspicion could be very wrong.

I'm pretty open to everything - please let me know what your suspicion is....