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Jun. 18th, 2002 06:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolariWell, shit.
The Q&A hit a sidetrack. Several in fact. The main reason I'm writing this in fact.
Almost as soon as I went into meditation, I began to get really disturbing imagery. This is seriously beginning to be a problem for me, as this is not the first time that this has happened. This time, as it started I got an extremely vivid and overpowering image of the head of a tiger, pure yellow and black. I couldn't get away from the image, so I decided to overload myself on it. I went up to it, examined it, and walked away. When I walked away I got a strange look from it. When I tried to start up the state again, I noticed a person behind me. This time I wished him away easily. However, the next overpower image I got was a Buddha statue, that was gorging itself on human entrails.
I couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called up the New Character whohelpd me get rid of the imagery. I finally entered my space, had a very good Q&A but it was interrupted by flying "things." The New Character kept swatting at them but they interrupted me constantly. And a small skull, as well. The New Character got it and smashed it, but it kept coming back.
Finally The New Character told me to repaint the area I was in Jet Black, with just light for me and her. This worked for a while until I began to get overpowered with nasty unreal demonic and evil imagery. The New Character finally said for me to try and "restart" with her next to me. Again, this worked for a short while before it all started again.
I DID get some answers to questions I wanted to know, and again I got the response I didn't like.... And the "good" news. I asked her where the hell all this imagery was comign from. She told me that this time, it was all me. That's why no shielding woulda stopped it. My own mind was making these images to break off the meditation. I was fighting me.
I finally gave up, and even she said I was too disturbed to go on....
So I broke it off, got some water and tried to go to sleep...and immediately it all came back at me, this time, the Buddha eating enrtails, the Tigerhead, a golem monster, screaming pillars with faces, mangled faces, flying demons....
And now I'm wide awake watching Zoids because everytime I close my eyes, I see MORE of this shit.
Even the New Character says that I have to be the one to stop it...but I really don't know how. Suggestions?
The Q&A hit a sidetrack. Several in fact. The main reason I'm writing this in fact.
Almost as soon as I went into meditation, I began to get really disturbing imagery. This is seriously beginning to be a problem for me, as this is not the first time that this has happened. This time, as it started I got an extremely vivid and overpowering image of the head of a tiger, pure yellow and black. I couldn't get away from the image, so I decided to overload myself on it. I went up to it, examined it, and walked away. When I walked away I got a strange look from it. When I tried to start up the state again, I noticed a person behind me. This time I wished him away easily. However, the next overpower image I got was a Buddha statue, that was gorging itself on human entrails.
I couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called up the New Character whohelpd me get rid of the imagery. I finally entered my space, had a very good Q&A but it was interrupted by flying "things." The New Character kept swatting at them but they interrupted me constantly. And a small skull, as well. The New Character got it and smashed it, but it kept coming back.
Finally The New Character told me to repaint the area I was in Jet Black, with just light for me and her. This worked for a while until I began to get overpowered with nasty unreal demonic and evil imagery. The New Character finally said for me to try and "restart" with her next to me. Again, this worked for a short while before it all started again.
I DID get some answers to questions I wanted to know, and again I got the response I didn't like.... And the "good" news. I asked her where the hell all this imagery was comign from. She told me that this time, it was all me. That's why no shielding woulda stopped it. My own mind was making these images to break off the meditation. I was fighting me.
I finally gave up, and even she said I was too disturbed to go on....
So I broke it off, got some water and tried to go to sleep...and immediately it all came back at me, this time, the Buddha eating enrtails, the Tigerhead, a golem monster, screaming pillars with faces, mangled faces, flying demons....
And now I'm wide awake watching Zoids because everytime I close my eyes, I see MORE of this shit.
Even the New Character says that I have to be the one to stop it...but I really don't know how. Suggestions?
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Two bits
Date: 2002-06-27 06:59 am (UTC)I also don't know if this is still a problem, but I feel the need to say some things. Feel free to ignore and/or delete this. :-)
First of all, it seems like you are trying to get rid of some things that you are pretty sure are coming from you. I humbly suggest trying to exercise a little control. Making things like that actually go away is like forcing your arm to leave the room, IME. Try changing them, small changes at first. For example, that entrail eating buddha might work really well as a guardian, like a sphinx. Take away his entrails, face him outwards, and tell him he can eat anyone who comes along that doesn't belong.
I'm curious about your description of some imagery being 'evil.' I haven't found any imagery that is inherently evil, myself. Would it be appropriate to say that the imagery is chaotic and uncontrolled more than evil? If so, then it might work to find where the chaos exists in the imagery and to exert control on only those aspects. I'd reccomend working on this when you're not trying to do anything else, like have a conversation with the character.
I have some other things I want to suggest, but they hinge much more on a niggling suspicion, and I am seriously hesitant to mention them because my suspicion could be very wrong.
Re: Two bits
Date: 2002-06-27 11:14 am (UTC)>free to ignore and/or delete this. :-)
It is not nearly as bad, but it's getting better.
>First of all, it seems like you are trying to get rid of some things that you are pretty sure
>are coming from you. I humbly suggest trying to exercise a little control. Making things like
>that actually go away is like forcing your arm to leave the room, IME.
::laugh:: yeah, you can't think about not thinkin gabout something. ;)
>Try changing them, small changes at first. For example, that entrail eating buddha might work
>really well as a guardian, like a sphinx. Take away his entrails, face him outwards, and tell
>him he can eat anyone who comes along that doesn't belong.
Hmmmmm...I never thought of trying something that.
>I'm curious about your description of some imagery being 'evil.' I haven't found any imagery
>that is inherently evil, myself. Would it be appropriate to say that the imagery is chaotic
>and uncontrolled more than evil? If so, then it might work to find where the chaos exists in
>the imagery and to exert control on only those aspects. I'd reccomend working on this when
>you're not trying to do anything else, like have a conversation with the character.
To me, it's evil in the fat that I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. You get teh imagery of the devil and the demons and such, and to me, that's constitutes "Evil." Plus abominable acts (entrail eating for one) come across as evil. That's how I describe it. Taunting evilness.
But then again, my version of evil doesn't ring true with everyne. I drew the sahdows as "evil." Carrot thinks they're adorable. :)
>I have some other things I want to suggest, but they hinge much more on a niggling suspicion,
>and I am seriously hesitant to mention them because my suspicion could be very wrong.
I'm pretty open to everything - please let me know what your suspicion is....