dolari | Oct. 21st, 2011

Oct. 21st, 2011

In our last exciting episode of the Increasingly misnamed "Growing Up Trans" our heroine was living life as a woman in Austin, Texas, and had just started hormones, just as a major computer company had head-hunted her. She turned down a life of creating brochures and documents, to live the life of a technical support rep, in hopes of finding her fortune.

My time at the second computer company was a joy. I spent most of the day writing EMail responses and listening to music all day. I was, by this point, very comfortable in my new role as a woman and doing so well. Michael came down later in the year, and, after a quick visit to my old Transgender Gazebo support group haunts, met a new trans friend in the area, Erin, who lived not too too far away, and with her a whole new gigantic nexus of friends.

The Plan, was on track, everything was good to go:

The Plan as of 2000:

1) ~~Move out by 1992. Completed 1996.~~ Recompleted 1997.
2) ~~Six months of therapy for hormones by 1993. Self-destructed 1993~~ completed 1998.
2a) ~~Actually start hormones~~ 2000
3) Two years of living as a woman started ~~by 1994.~~ in 1999.
4) Surgery in ~~1999, 2001,~~ 2003

I'd taken the job with the computer company in 2000 because I wanted to rebuild my surgery money which had been repeatedly drained from the moves and lost jobs. The dot.com bubble was in full swing, and a cushy job that paid well was the way to rebuild it. In a few short months, my savings had exploded and we were quickly on our way towards surgery money. Soon, I would get my surgery letter from the therapist, and it looked like I was right on time for my 2003 surgery date.

If this was a fairytale, it's right around here that you say "And they lived happily ever after." But, in 2001, everything fell apart.

The first sign of the shit hitting the fan was a dinner with my family where I wanted to announce my plans to have my surgery. Erin, Michael and I took them out to a dinner. While we had a nice night, the actual announcement went badly. Of course the usual card of "I thought this was just a phase" was played, and when I showed them my new driver's license with my new name, and social security...they were not happy. Any real progress I'd made in the last few years flew out the window.

As an aside, I actually had trouble getting my driver's license switched over to my new name. When I went to the DMV with my name change papers, I asked one of the tellers who assigned you a line where I needed to go to get my name changed. The teller refused to do it, saying that I needed a court order to get my name changed. When I showed it to her, she angrily said "We only do it for marriage licenses." Her coworker just looked at her like she'd sprouted three heads, walked over and pulled her away from the line by the shoulders, gently, but firmly.

"I'll take care of this." She actually pulled me to an aisle all on my own, apologized for her, and promptly changed my name on the card.

Back to our story, the following weekend, Michael came out to me and told me he'd been seeing someone else. I felt betrayed beyond belief. I told him he had a place to stay here, but I wanted him out. He moved out very shortly afterwards.

Just a few days after he moved out, I lost my job at the computer company in their first ever layoff. The dot.com bubble had burst.

And then I killed my pet fish.

In all - it was a rough few weeks.

I had some substantial savings, and began living off that while I looked for work, but work was nowhere to be found. Everyone was laying off left and right in Austin and the 7-Elevens and convenience stores were flooded with technical support reps selling slurpees and hotdogs. After the disasterous meeting with my parents, I couldn't move back in. The hormones were expensive and involved a 160 mile round trip drive once a month. Rent on my own was more expensive. It wasn't long before my savings were completely drained yet again.

Shortly before I moved out of the apartment, my father came up because he needed to borrow my truck. He came up alone, and we had dinner together. It was then that I realized he was on my side. We were driving back to the apartment, when he told me "You're happier than I've ever seen you in years. If this is what makes you happy, then I'm happy for you." This just came out of nowhere and left me dumbstruck. "I don't have to march in any parades...do I?" After this, he pronouned me as a woman, but only when we were alone.

I took this as a good sign, and moved back in with my parents, while I waited out the dot.com failure.

The Plan as of 2001:

1) ~~Move out by 1992. Completed 1996. Recompleted 1997~~ Failed, 2001.
2) ~~Six months of therapy for hormones by 1993. Self-destructed 1993~~ completed 1998.
2a) ~~Actually start hormones~~ 2000.
3) ~~Two years of living as a woman started by 1994.~~ finished in 2001.
3a) Actually get the surgery papers...eventually.
4) Surgery in ~~1999, 2001, 2003~~ ...eventually.

So, I moved home. But my dad's newfound support did not extend to my mother. In fact, my mother became very hostile.

DISCLAIMER: If there's anything I've learned from this retrospective, it's that people change. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. The actions described here, including my own, are of people who lived in the early 2000s. These are not the same people who exist ten years later.

I found myself shunted into my room, where I was gently, but firmly, encouraged not to come out. Especially when family was over. I was okay with this at first, because I would move out as soon as possible, but things began locking down more and more. Transportation dried up, so I couldn't go anywhere. My mother's watchful eye was ever present as well. She was not happy. And neither would I be.

Things got worse and worse, and more and more locked down and harder to move. I felt isolated and alone. And so I began to draw, while waiting for callbacks. A Wish for Wings, a metaphorical retelling of my want to be an artist was published at the end of the year . Closetspace followed quickly afterwards. They were an escape from a world that was rapidly collapsing around me. I'd gotten so close to the summit of the mountain, and was avalanching back down.

I had the internet, though - and through those channels, my friends were kept up with what was going on. Erin came to my rescue.

Over the year I kew her, Erin and her family had become the best friends I'd had in Austin. We had much in common, and I got along with her family extremely well. She'd determined a way to have her surgery by this summer, and she'd need to have someone take care of the house, and possibly her, while she recovered. This would get me out of the house, and into a more favorable environment.

I moved in in the spring of 2002, and basically became the housekeeper. They did pay me, and I did my best. The house was easy to keep, taking care of their diabetic son was fun, and still had all my internet access for looking for jobs, publishing webcomics and getting donations.

As her surgery date got closer and closer, I began to feel uneasy. I was happy for Erin, but at the same time, I was one year away from my delayed deadline for surgery. As the time got closer, I was more and more anxious. I just tried to keep moving forward. She'd need us in the future, and I couldn't be preoccupied with this uneasiness.

I dropped her off at the airport, and off she flew.

And she came right back, freshly reconfigured, and spent the next few days healing (then, after realizing the extent of her surgery, the next few WEEKS). She'd had her own written diary of hte experience, and wanted it typed up for her journal, so I took the time to transcribe it online while she was sleeping, or while I wasn't cleaning. The more I typed, the more uneasy (and sometimes angry) I felt. 2003 was coming up. That should have been me.

Time passed, and still, I had no work. I'd begun to overstay my welcome. I was feeling more and more jealous of Erin, and started to resent what she'd done. I knew I was in trouble when she was telling me that she felt very depressed that her surgery had kept her out of action at work for so long, and I had to fake empathy, and swallow my anger.

Come October, I'd managed to find work. It was a long haul from Erin's house. At the same time, Michael had left the woman who had replaced me, and he offered to take me in so I was closer to work. In the middle of the night, I took the cowardly way out. I up and left, and didn't speak with Erin for a while afterwards.

I seriously damaged a very good relationship with her and her family, in what would become a recurring nightmare: I was being denied my surgery while others were getting theirs left and right. And I would get very angry over it. Repeatedly.

Erin and I repaired the relationship, but it wasn't as deep or as close as before. I miss it.

I started work for a game company in Austin, and they immediately took to my work ethic and schedule. Within weeks, I was their number one tech. There was talk of hiring me, after Christmas, with a substantial pay raise. Again, a chance to rebuild my surgery nest egg.

But all it took was one woman who decided That Man Needed To Be Taught A Lesson.

There was a woman there who was giving me a terrible stink-eye anytime I came in the door. If I was assigned next to her, she would suddenly claim she had to go home because she was sick. She constantly laughed at me with her gaggle of friends. She wanted me gone. So she complained about me, and saying I was doing "wierd" things in the women's restroom.

The temp agency said I had to use the men's room. I told the temp agency I would not as I hadn't been a man since 1997. They let me go. She laughed as I packed. I filed an OSHA and EEOC report on the company. Both came back with no findings of fault on their part. Unemployment denied.

Months passed, I found yet another job, this time just filling out accident reports for the Department of Transportation. Someone there also decided That Man Needed To Taught a Lesson. This time it took only four hours for a woman to say I'd sexually harassed her in the bathroom. I used it once, and I was alone. I was given a choice: Quit, or be charged with Sexual Harassment.

Seeing as OSHA and EEOC did nothing before, I didn't even try. Unemployment denied.

It was now mid 2003 - my original deadline for surgery in 2003 was half over. It was time to really think about my future, and how badly things had gone in the last two years.

1) ~~Move out by 1992. Completed 1996. Recompleted 1997~~ Re-recompleted 2002.
2) ~~Six months of therapy for hormones by 1993. Self-destructed 1993~~ completed 1998.
2a) ~~Actually start hormones~~ 2000.
3) ~~Two years of living as a woman started by 1994.~~ finished in 2001.
3a) Actually get the surgery papers...eventually.
4) Surgery in ~~1999, 2001, 2003, eventually~~ whenever.

Things were bad. I was seriously considering de-transitioning at this point, just to get and mantain a job here I could rebuild my finances, and get back on some kind of track.

I ended up making a deal with the devil to try to get out of the pit I was in.

Growing Up Trans Chapters:
Preschool - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238402.html
Elementary School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238626.html
The Nightmare of Fifth Grade (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238939.html
Middle School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239155.html
High school - Year 1 & 2 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239578.html
High school - Year 3 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2240215.html
High school - Year 4 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2241302.html
Opening up to a Whole New World - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2242118.html
Intermission #1 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245139.html
The Boulton and Park Society - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243005.html
The Birth of Jenn Dolari - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243105.html
Life with Geri - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244596.html
False Starts - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244834.html
New Name, New Home - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245871.html
The Real Life Test - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246452.html
First Impressions - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246872.html
Lone Star Rising - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2247894.html
My Chemical Romance (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2248223.html

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I used to see these as a kid. ALL THE TIME.

I didn't take my insomnia meds last night, because I went right to sleep. Woke up much earliuer than I expected, and can't get back to sleep. Dammit. Ah, well.

Movie marathon today, I think. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat and King of Fighters.

Hey, everyone: Today isn't the Rapture. It's the Rupture. Now would be a good time to check your pipes for leaks.

Growing up Trans - Intermission #3 - The Dark Side of the Knife

After the web finally became popular in the late 90s, Usenet began to get less and less traffic, and more and more spam bots. I left it in 2000 once I moved back to Austin, to focus more on my transition. My main conceit about that time is that I'd managed to stay on Usenet for seven years, become somewhat popular, and without anyone seriously questioning my gender. I guess I typed like a girl as well.

Moving offline from Usenet, I did keep in touch with many of the folks from Usenet, most of whom I came out to when I moved to Austin. All of them took to it well, but then, there was a reason I kept in touch with them after leaving: They were just cool people.

One of these people was Alice. Although Alice wasn't going by that name at the time, as she was a man during those years.

I first met BoyAlice back in the mid 90s on Usenet. He seemed like a really fun person, witty, made music and had lived around the world. When I left Usenet, I made sure to keep contact going with him, and he was one of the first people online I'd told that I was trans. He took it well. Too well. And sure enough, it was only a few weeks before he came out to me. Alice was also transgendered, and just starting out.

I remembered all my time trying to figure out who I was, and find other transfolk as I was coming out. I wanted to make sure I was there for her, and to help her through her transition. This ended up being a very bad thing for the both of us.

During her own transition, I made sure I was there as often as possible, answer questions, listening to the trans angst we all have, offering advice. At one point she questioned wether she wanted to go through with it after all, and I encouraged her to continue, which she did. All that coaching and advice, and even coaxing helped her get her surgery.

It didn't take long, but she had her surgery, and made it out to the other side as GirlAlice.

And she regretted it. She was in a manic phase of her life, and believed that having a sex change would allow her to erase her past mistakes by taking on a whole new identty. To that end, she did everything she could to make it happen, and it did. Once the manic phase ended - she realized what she'd just done and now found her self knee deep in a new society where everyone expected her to be a woman.

She wasn't transsexual before, she was now.

Whole she doesn't blame me, to this day, I feel guilty for my role in that.

It's also precisely this reason I changed Allison's story in Closetspace. In the original drafts she was just a crossdresser deciding wether or not to actually go through with surgery. In the end, she chose not to. Alice's story, and the terrible price it exacted, made me change that story to a person who had the sex change surgery, and regretted it. With so many comics out there focusing on how wonderful being trans is, and the good that comes from surgery to correct that, someone needed to say "It's not for everyone, and for some, it could be a terrible decision."

I take a lot of flak because I always suggest following the Benjamin Standards of Care. Many trans people feel that it's a way for Doctors to prey on transfolk and eat up their money, or that they're barriers to their absolute right to transition. I've never seen it that way, and I still don't. Despite what unscrupulous individual doctors and therapists are doing, the Standard of Care are there to keep this kind of thing from happening. And if it's right for you - you will pass with flying colors. As I often say, I'm batshit insane, and I still got my surgery papers.

Alice still regrets the decision, but has moved on with her life, and made peace with her new gender. She lives her life as a woman, and has become a successful computer programmer.

We're still good friends.

Growing Up Trans Chapters:
Preschool - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238402.html
Elementary School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238626.html
The Nightmare of Fifth Grade (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238939.html
Middle School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239155.html
High school - Year 1 & 2 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239578.html
High school - Year 3 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2240215.html
High school - Year 4 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2241302.html
Opening up to a Whole New World - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2242118.html
Intermission #1 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245139.html
The Boulton and Park Society - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243005.html
The Birth of Jenn Dolari - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243105.html
Life with Geri - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244596.html
False Starts - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244834.html
New Name, New Home - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245871.html
The Real Life Test - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246452.html
First Impressions - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246872.html
Lone Star Rising - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2247894.html
My Chemical Romance (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2248223.html
Lone Star Falling - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2249137.html

Kitana: "To with the next fight, use the element that brings life." Jenn: "Chicken? The Sun? MOM?!"

You know...the Mortal Kombat movie isn't half bad. Well, the original one.

Crossposts: http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2250639.html

This movie about fighting is slow. They're trying, I can really see that, but King of Fighters should've been renamed King of Expositioners.

Terry Bogart....CIA?!?!

DISCLAIMER: If there's anything I've learned from this retrospective, it's that people change. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. The actions described here, including my own, are of people who lived in the early 2000s. These are not the same people who exist ten years later.

Shortly after my talk with my parents in 2001, where I told them, specifically, this was not a phase, and this was my new name, and I would be a woman from here out, they invited me down to Fiesta. San Antonio has a week of partying culminating in three gigantic parades. Dean had never gone, and I thought we could take Erin as well.

So we went, and a had a blast for most of the evening. We were going to meet up with my parents during the parade, but couldn't make it through the thick crowds. I called them and said we'd meet them at home. We continued to have a good time at other events.

We took off for my parents house to visit for a bit. And when I walked in the door, the mood from my parents was...not good. They were cordial to Dean and Erin, but there was a tension in the conversation. We weren't there more than 15 mintues when my parents asked me to talk with them privately.

"I don't think you're being fair with us. You show up at home dressed in that, when other people could show up at any time. What if your Uncles saw you like this? How do you think they'd react?" I expected this from my mom, but not my dad.

"We had this talk just a few weeks ago, I am a woman now, and I will be one, period."

"Then you need to leave. You and your friends need to leave right now. And think about what you've done today."

And we left. The car ride home was silent as a tomb.

Erin stayed with us overnight, and in the morning, she called her parents to tell them she loved them.

Growing Up Trans Chapters:
Preschool - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238402.html
Elementary School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238626.html
The Nightmare of Fifth Grade (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238939.html
Middle School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239155.html
High school - Year 1 & 2 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239578.html
High school - Year 3 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2240215.html
High school - Year 4 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2241302.html
Opening up to a Whole New World - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2242118.html
Intermission #1 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245139.html
The Boulton and Park Society - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243005.html
The Birth of Jenn Dolari - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243105.html
Life with Geri - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244596.html
False Starts - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244834.html
New Name, New Home - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245871.html
The Real Life Test - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246452.html
First Impressions - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246872.html
The Dark Side of the Knife - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2250079.html
Lone Star Rising - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2247894.html
My Chemical Romance (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2248223.html

If they were gonna dress Rugal up as Geese Howard, they should have just made him Geese Howard.

WHAT?! You put everyone in their costumes EXCEPT Mai? ::shakes fist:: You have made an enemy today, King of Fighters Movie.

Growing up Trans - The Stone of Sisyphus

The start of 2004 had me at what I considered the darkest place I ad been since those early days of 2001. While I had almost everything I needed to finally have my surgery, I'd lost my way with bad decisions, lost friends and repeated economic collapses. On top of that, I was going to turn thirty, the time I'd hoped to have all this behind me, and get on with the rest of my life.
Instead, I was trying to get back on my feet, and found myself unable to do it.

There were bright spots, however.

Despite everything that had gone on since I came back from Pennsylvania, I did want my parents in my life. I wasn't willing to give them up completely if there was any chance of some kind of reconciliation. So I visited them often, usually in short bursts, with plenty of warning before hand to make sure "no one would be there who shouldn't see me." It was a lot of conditions to go see your parents, but rebuilding a burned bridge is harder than patching up one falling apart.

It was during one of the visits, that the tide began to turn with my mother. We had sat down to lunch, and I'd noticed that my sister was taking her second shower of the day. I asked mom if my sister was alright.

"Oh, she's having really bad cramps right now, and she likes to takes warm showers to help get through them. You know how it is." She then looked at me very quizzically. "Why did I say that to you?"

I'd noticed in previous visits, she'd unconsciously use a female pronoun when talking to me, and quickly cover it up. She fought it. A lot. But this time, she'd talked to me as a woman, about "women problems," and she's from a generation where you don't talk about such thing with the men-folk. She ws kicking and screaming the whole way, but the gender switch had flipped in her mind. I was a woman.

She still genders me male occasionally. Refuses to use my female name. But when she writes letters to me, they're all made out to "J." She makes the effort to accept me - and I can live with that. And although I've never heard it from her, directly, I've been told by third parties she thinks I make a very good woman. Considering the bold gender lines in our family, that's high praise.

The comics were hugely popular, Closetspace was second in popularity only to Venus Envy, but then Venus Envy was a webcomics monster. I can do second place. Second place and it was good enough to get me an invite to Trinoc Con 2004. It was there that I sat between Webcomic celebrities like Kittyhawk (of Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki), Ursula Vernon (of Digger), Jamie Robertson (of Clan of the Cats), fantasy artist Jael, and, here's the clinker, Erin Lindsey of the aforementioned Venus Envy.

Shouldn't I be on the OTHER side of the tables from these people?

Despite being in "competition" with Venus Envy (Two comics featuring redhead Male to Female transfolk on the internet? AWKWARD), I'd always been a fan of Venus Envy. I started the con as kind of a starry eyed fan of her comic (which, having starry eyed fans of my own, I knew better than to let loose on her), to great friends by the end (despite letting loose the starry eyed fangirl). We collaborated a lot, and as a post op transsexual herself, gave me another role model to look up to, myself.

We had so much fun, we were invited back two more times. Although one of those...yeah...we'll talk about that.

Just before the con, I finally managed to snag a job doing overnight technical support for a German kiosk manufacturer. I knew I'd get this job as soon as I walked into the interview, because I didn't get "The Look." The look is the look I'd get as soon as I walked into an interview that said "OH, GOD, YOU'RE A FREAK, NO JOB FOR YOU." And when I said I knew Linux, not only did I not get The Look, I also got a Big Smile.

It was a rough job, and once I was given the overnights, it was at least a bit easier. Of my ten hours, I did nothing for six or seven. The other three were a furiously paced flurry of activity. And after the last two lost jobs, I was a little gunshy of using the women's restrooms. I often didn't drink or eat anything until the last woman left. Then if I needed to use it, I wouldn't get fired for anything.

But when you gotta go, you gotta go. So my virst first venue into the bathroom since being fired repeatedly (and almost arrested once, I need to tell that story) for peeing, I walked into the women's room and there were two girls already chatting in there. "Just get in and out, Jenn. Just get into the stall and hang out there till they leave." But it was the end of their shift, so they didn't need to get back to the desks soon.

And they didn't leave.

I waited in there until I knew I needed to be back on the phones, so I just flushed, straightened myself out in the stall, walked straight to the sink and washed my hands. I started making my way out when I heard a voice say "'Scuse me!"

Oh, here it was. I've JUST lost another job. I resigned myself to my fate and turned around. She was gonna get me fired. I knew it. I'd be hitting the streets for work again, crap crap crap.

"Your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose."

I wasn't going to get fired - but I did flash these two women my butt for god knows how long. Eventually, she became my first friend at the new job, and when I told her I was trans (and a fellow artist), was one of my biggest cheerleaders.

And so I began pushing Sisyphus' rock back up the hill, rebuilding my savings, but I wasn't sure for what anymore.

It was shortly after Erin got her surgery, and that she went into a depression of "Where do I go from here?" I made myself a promise then, that I wasn't going to make my transition my only life's work, and to that end, gave my self a final deadline: At thirty, I would move on with my life, and the transition would take second place. I would hit thirty in July of 2004, I had to hurry.

My first act? Pay off my therapist in State College. $400 later, and a flurry of letter writing, I had my surgery papers. I was a go for launch. But the rocket (if you'll excuse the imagery) wasn't ready.

With Trinoc eating into the savings, however, I pushed my "Surgery by 30" back to 31.

The Plan as of Early 2004:

1) ~~Move out by 1992. Completed 1996. Recompleted 1997~~ Re-recompleted 2002.
2) ~~Six months of therapy for hormones by 1993. Self-destructed 1993~~ Completed 1998.
2a) ~~Actually start hormones.~~ Completed 2000.
3) ~~Two years of living as a woman started by 1994.~~ Completed in 2001.
3a) ~~Actually get the surgery papers.~~ Completed 2004.
4) ~~Surgery in 1999, 2001, 2003, eventually, whenever~~ by July 2005.

Again, another flurry of savings, to try and make one last ditch run at surgery. At the same time, I began to talk with young woman in British Columbia, a fan of the comics named Emily. We quickly became friends, and eventually fell in love. She was my first M2F love, and one of the closest friends I'd ever made in my life.

I managed to actually save quite a bit, this time, but unfortunately, things began going bad at work. There was some serious mismanagement on how my shift was handled. I was being asked to put in 50, and 60 hour weeks for weeks on end. But after so much time unemployed, and a repeated emptying of my savings, I didn't want to leave unless I had to. With all the overtime I'd managed to save up almost half of what I'd need for a Thailand surgeon, almost a a quarter of an American surgeon. I put up with it (among other things) for as long as I could. Despite having almost six hours of dead time, the other four were so stressful that I'd developed an eating disorder.

Plus, I got a big head.

I was reinvited to Trinoc for 2005, so obviously, I was always meant to be an artist. I can do this, right? They keep asking me back, so I must be good, right?

After a particularly bad evening at work, I decided I couldn't do this anymore, no matter how good the paycheck was. What if I quit, and pursued an professional art career? It had to be better than this. So I quit with $3000 in my bank account. The good news was I had enough money to last me a year without work (seriously, I was living with Michael, rent was low, and he made up groceries), the comics were bringing in cash, and the year off gave me time to detox and relax.

The bad news? I wasn't prepared for how cutthroat art careers are, and frankly, and let's behonest, I'd let Trinoc go to my head - I'm not that good an artist. Still, Trinoc 2005 awaited, as well as my first meeting with my new love, Emily.

Growing Up Trans Chapters:
Preschool - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238402.html
Elementary School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238626.html
The Nightmare of Fifth Grade (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2238939.html
Middle School - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239155.html
High school - Year 1 & 2 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2239578.html
High school - Year 3 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2240215.html
High school - Year 4 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2241302.html
Opening up to a Whole New World - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2242118.html
Intermission #1 - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245139.html
The Boulton and Park Society - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243005.html
The Birth of Jenn Dolari - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2243105.html
Life with Geri - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244596.html
False Starts - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2244834.html
New Name, New Home - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2245871.html
The Real Life Test - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246452.html
First Impressions - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2246872.html
The Dark Side of the Knife - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2250079.html
Lone Star Rising - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2247894.html
My Chemical Romance (NSFW) - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2248223.html
La Semana Cansado - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2251372.html
Lone Star Falling - http://jenndolari.livejournal.com/2249137.html