(no subject)

[dolari]

Question for people reading the Growing Up Trans stuff, particularly the last chapter.

This is kind of a rough draft...I'm writing while I have the muse and just getting as much on paper as I can before editing. This leads the a lot of repeated information and dropped threads, and things needing clarification.

The last chapter mentions a "protracted psychogenic fugue" and "becoming the girl in the mirror." It was something that happened after the suicide attempt that radically changed my viewpoint on life, akin to a religious person being born again.

Thing is, I don't like to talk about what that is. I can't not talk about it - the suicide and aftermath was life changing. Leaving it out is like making a great painting with the color blue.

But getting into any farther goes DANGEROUSLY into "woo woo" territory. Not UFO abduction Woo Woo but definately woo woo.

When I've told what I felt happened, its not been received well. And to be fair, even I think its out there. Either way, it strains credibility and could easily aggravate readers.

The closest thing I've found to what happened that seems to be well received was (well is) a psychogenic fugue. Problem is, if I go into any more detail than "I became the girl in the mirror" it veers way off and strains credibility.

What do you think the best choice is?

1) Don't mention the psychogenic fugue thing at all.
2) Leave it as "I became the girl in the mirror."
3) Mention becoming the girl AND the vague psychogenic fugue term.
4) Tell the whole story, reader and writer credibility be damned.

I feel a lot like Ellie Arroway in Contact, trying to explain her 8 hour trip when all the evidence says she never left.

Comments

[hemlock-martini.livejournal.com]

It's your story.

Tell it how it happened to you.

Give a logical explanation that rationalizes the underlying action if you want, but stress that this is what happened from your point of view without making too many excuses. Truth is very often far stranger than fiction, and approached correctly I am sure the reader will understand.

[rosetteroulette.livejournal.com]

Agreeing with hemlock_martini.

[silveryrose.livejournal.com]

Add me to the list who agree with hemlock_martini. They said what I was going to say and better than I could have :)

[(Anonymous)]

I vote for option 4 as well.

[kalibex.livejournal.com]

Another vote for #4.

[amyncognito.livejournal.com]

I realise I'm a bit late coming to this, but I would also say option 4 - I believe that the reader should have enough faith to stay with you and hear the truth as you experienced it; someone who didn't live what you did shouldn't be able to force you into silence because they don't consider it credible.

And I guess there's the bigger picture, that I feel like trans people are forced to edit what they say about themselves and their experiences a lot to fit in with what they feel those around them will receive without becoming hostile or freaking out, and it's sad seeing that happen again from a trans artist/storyteller and blogger. Plus one hell of a lot of trans people attempt suicide, and I feel as if what you were going to say could mean a lot to someone who may also have attempted suicide but survived it.

(That person isn't me, I haven't tried to commit suicide, but I feel like your fear of how others will judge what you have to say is causing something important that others may have gone through and also been unable to talk about to be censored - and it may really help any such people to be able to read about what might have been a similar experience in the aftermath.)

I could be very very wrong about a lot of that, but please think about it.

PS - Shouldn't that be "without the color blue" above?

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

Basically..."The Mirror Flips" is what happened to me immediately after the click but before I I opened my eyes. Its an experience that is near impossible to believe, even with the most open minded of my friends. Its an experience that is very very very real to me, but even I have problems swallowing it.

The issue here is credibility. The story I'm telling is based on "This is how I grew up trans," and is written for a cisgendered/transkid audience. With that, comes a necesary credibility. You have to want to read this, and keep going and learn/experience.

What I don't want is, halfway trhough the narrative, something saying "and suddenly a space rainbow zebra asked me which way to Piccadilly Circus." (Which isn't what happened).

Suddenly, all that credibility turns into "oh, she's just another kooky tranny." And peopleb stop reading, using the resource, or, in one example, stop talking to me.

Its truly an impossible thing to believe...but my friend Erin came up with a solution. Make it a post script. You tell your story, then the impossible credibility breaking thing is at the end, after the main narrative.

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

FWIW, and I know the decision's already been made, I vote along with everyone else. Your perception is your own.

I have absolutely no problem accepting what you say happened. I don't find it impossible to believe, especially since you were able to find a researchable word for what you experience. That lends a ton of credibility.*

I've known you from afar for a bunch of years now, and I'm reasonably convinced that you are not a person who feeds readers a line of crap. Of course, I've had the luxury of time invested in talking with you, getting to know you, to reach that level of trust. New readers may/may not attain that level ... but then again ... we each have our perceptions, our feelings, and that's that. That's part of reading someone's story.


*As you may/may not know, I've experienced some extremely odd things ... and if you didn't know me, you'd think I was bat-guano NUTS. My credibility in describing such things would be helped if I had a label to refer to; and I'm genuinely glad that you've found a label for your experience, regardless of how perfectly or imperfectly it may fit. But you know I'm on the level in all things, just describing things from my perception - just as I know you're on the level, describing things from your perception. I wouldn't expect anything less than that level of honesty.

That said - nothing wrong with a post script. :)

[jenndolari.livejournal.com]

And yeah, I meant "without." :)

[my-real-head.livejournal.com]

Late to the party as always, but chalk this up as another vote for #4.

There's a kind of grim irony in not wanting to tell the full truth because it's not as credible as a half-lie.

I'll say this much: Failed suicide attempts can lead to interesting mental states. Your experience, no doubt, is not the only one, and a lot of other people who've been there could agree.